Saturday, December 31, 2005

Today’s demonstration for the Sudanese refugees

This night, there was a demonstration against what the security forces did to the Sudanese refugees in Egypt, I wanted to attend but I was so sick and had an important thing to be done before 7 pm

I am not of the kind that like attending demos because I believe they are not useful but this time my heart was broke and I couldn’t stay home this time, I wanted at least to be there even for 5 minutes.

Ok, I finally decided to pass by, check up things just to be present there and may be take some photos, I was so sick and stayed just for 15 minutes there then left

You will see below some of the photos taken, but what is more important is the conversation that took place between me and 2 passengers and the driver in the taxi on my way to my other mission

It seems the Egyptians as a whole have no sympathy about what happened at all, they consider this as the normal end to the “foolishness” of the Sudanese refugees, it was really hard to convince them to understand the real tragedy behind the whole problem

Ok, I managed to convince them finally before we leave, at least they agreed, but I believe they still from the inside don’t care much even if all the refugees die, it was horrible to see that they are ready to accept the misery of other nations and accept excuses said by the government

Do you know what I believe now? I believe this reaction was all because we as a nation are tired from humiliation, we wanted to see one reason to feel our nation as a unique respected nation

In other words, while we are humiliated as we see everyday, we want to see a situation where we are treated better, this reflects at supporting any racist act like the one the government did.

We are eager to feel our dignity and unfortunately, we felt it strongly with the torture of the other weak humans

Now let me ask a question, if the protesters where from Russia, USA or any strong respected country, would the security forces do the same? I doubt it!!

The place of the demonstrations was full of security forces in civilian clothes and some high ranked police officers, some foreigners and very few Egyptians

No one there know me, that made me finish my stay there quick and leave after taking those photos

Friday, December 30, 2005

Sudanese refugees… No wonder

Yesterday, in one of its CLEAN operations, the Egyptian police ended the Sudanese refugees camp in the famous square in Giza, the operation was as I said clean.. because they mostly started it by pumping water on the refugees

By chance, only by chance, I was returning home almost at the same time, about 5 am in the morning, I live in the nearby so I had to pass by the place, all I saw was lots of security guards, I didn’t feel good, someone told us that they are willing to end the mess of the refugees today

At the beginning I didn’t believe, I told myself, they can’t do it without much violence and because many sides already know, they won’t be able to cover it yet it turned out that I am a big donkey

They used whatever they like to end the peaceful act they did, I say a peaceful act because I was there before and I know those guys didn’t try to get out of the place or do any problems to the traffic or the people there, things were going normal that I passed by the place many times before I noticed their presence there

Ok, 10 of the refugees died in the incident most of them are children before the government takes them to unknown place.

Really no wonder about what is going on, it seems the value of humans is being ranked, somehow in each country the value of a human is taking new ranks based on his/her identity, I want to scream and say we are all humans at the end, but it seems that is really nonsense in this world

I want to make a confession here, I used to act against Sudanese refugees long ago, before I reconsider my acts again, I was a very much nationalist and I was touched by the acts of some gangs of them moving in my neighborhood and honestly I didn’t like that

Those guys are innocent, they didn’t do anything wrong, whatever we thing their demands are justified or not, they have the right to say whatever they want as long as they don’t hurt anybody.

Last thing I want to say, think of them as you like, hate them or love them, support their demands or deny it but when it deals with their right to say no, support them to death

Support them to death because it is your right too, it is your right to say no, the same right that you lost long ago and will keep losing as long as you keep thinking of the problem as “are they right or not && they should go back, the war is over!

To the Sudanese refugees, we are all refugees in this world, refugees on front of power of soldiers, power of evil politics that control all our life, refugees on front of control powers that wants to take the last right we still have, the right to refuse even silently, the right to be different and declare it to the whole world

I will be different, I will not take your color, I will not live your evil game and will say no,

Sudanese refugees, Accept my little not important apology, not as an Egyptian, or a man that will be in military life soon and will be tied with orders, but as a human that is sick of all this cruel evil world full of fake lives, fake reasons and fake emotions

The day to be remembered here, 30/12/05, at the end of the year the Egyptian police used more than 6000 soldiers to force about 3500 Sudanese refugees to end their camp in the middle of Giza city, 10 died most of them are children, 3500 were insulted and hit by security forces, 76 million Egyptians stood negative and pillions of humans did nothing

Free ashamed soul

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Maged (t)= Maged(t-3)

For those who have background in comm systems, more specific for those who studied signals, they will understand the title of this post

Two days ago, I received the result indication that I was of the VERY UNLUCKY persons who will become officers in the army, this means spending 3 years of my life there.

Ok, away from the bluffing, I got depressed for about 48 hours, now I am feeling better, a little better not much

But honestly, I knew it far before they say it; I expected it, dreamed of it and knew it is happening

Now, when I see it coming true, I feel sad, for many reasons, one of them is related to how I tried to arrange my life and that I identified two paths, one of them away from Egypt, the other is inside Egypt, my family thought that I am stupid to decide to stay in Egypt

Now I don’t have much choice, and the only decision I could make is to leave right after the army period, that is just the first problem.

The second problem is that I felt guilty when I saw some guys that accepted this sad fact but while being sad, they kept thinking how to be useful for the country while they are in the army!!, I didn’t think that way when I knew, actually, it was like the sun suddenly went out!

Another reason is that my father all the time says it is all because of me because I didn’t want to apply for immigration as he advised me, sorry father, I still disagree but I will have to do that later!

Finally, I will not be allowed to write anymore on the net during my military service, minimum for the first 9 months and mostly for all the period of 27 months, this is bad but this is what I am supposed to do

Ok, everyone is keeping telling me that I should see the bright side, honestly I see a few but they are still of no measure compared to the loss of 3 years of my life, if you see something valuable enough to equal 3 days even of a persons life tell me

I know I look very depressed, which is not the case; I kind of passed this stage and already taking things as is and doing what I can to make things a little better

Yet those events made me think of things, many things I have dropped and many persons I have known in the past

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Bored club

Bored to death circle

My friend Stel, started the bored club, generously, he assigned me an early seat (

To make it a healthy club, I think we may start by sharing why we feel bored that much!!

Here is my list of reasons:

  1. newspapers tell the same everyday

  2. I listen to the same music everyday

  3. I go to work everyday, I can’t take a day off in this period

  4. I can’t travel anywhere, they need me at work before I go to the army

  5. My mother and my sis have the same fights everyday

  6. It seems like things as they are in Egypt from the time of my birth, no real change in the soul (god bless the king, and the son of the king)

  7. I meet the same guys everyday, I can’t meet a lot of my old exiting friends, they have exams or married and left (

  8. My father tells me the same things over and over again everyday

  9. My military papers require me to go many times to military center

Ok, that is enough for today, complete to boring stuff later

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

A new blog in the system

A new blog has been added to the blogger world by Me and Ensanaa

the new blogger is a step to understand more about the identity of the humans we are, a step to have more peace inside and own the self freedom that may be the gate to self acceptance and self improvement

Join us there, if you really really care to know more about your own identity, no dreams and no promises are given, it is just you, simple and easy, can you handle that?


Saturday, December 03, 2005

Noisy people, enough now!!

Walking throw the streets in Egypt is turning into living hell every day, in the 30 mins you take to reach your destination you must notice the pollution that people can’t notice any more because they got used to it, the sound pollution, 30 min in the rush hour today was enough to derive me really crazy !!

One of the things that always drive my relatives crazy out of me is that I never attend a marriage, I hate noise and can’t stand it so I come for 5 mins but when they search for me they just find out I am gone

You know, somehow we have that in our heritage, we are noisy when we are happy and noisy when we are sad, historically, in a marriage they used drums and in funerals they used special purpose women used to weep on the dead with high voices!!

Now all you need is to watch out while you are in a taxi or a public transportation and see the horrible frequent use of noise in horns and in the driver own voice all the time, oh boy how can they bear all that!!

It must be time to stop it, if the government don’t want to act like usual, we still can do that or even move a little against this horrible pollution, act now as an individual and never wait, in your car minimize the use of your car horn and in public transportation urge them to stop using it as much as possible or reduce their for it, it is unacceptable to live in this horrible noise all the time!!

People, how do you sleep in this noise?? How can you work or even breath in this noise, that is too much, really too much!

Monday, November 28, 2005

I am leaving

Dear friends;

Let me introduce you, the solider Maged AKA freesoul :(

I joined the army, of course I don't want to but that is how things go

few days from now I will know if I will be a soldier or an officer, this will have a great effect on the service time either be 1 year for a soldier or 3 years for an officer!!

Pray for me, 3 years away from civilian life is too long for me, 1 year is already long enough, I don't know how will I do without the people I used to know, without the things I used to do, few weeks from now and I will leave to the army

Your friend all the time,

Free soul.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Mind the dark spot

It is always there somewhere deep inside…
Somewhere in your heart in the place where light fear to get near, where light can’t breath, where just the screams of light can be heard

You think you keep your monsters there but that is nonsense, they go there by their own choice, they grow there finding the silence and coolness they need. They wait in patience… they are always patient
You think light don’t enter there? Oh yeah, that is what you can see from where you are… it is not that way at all

Light does go there man, it just can’t get out, it is trapped in there, absorbed
Your monsters inside feed on it, they eat all lights in your heart, they eat hope, faith, love… they eat life
Trying to know yourself? Isn’t your heart wide enough that you still need to go there? Do you still think you will find peace if you get to know your monsters… remember they are YOUR MONSTERS!!

Try to keep away from this dark place, don’t be a fool and try to explore it, mind that or you will lose all the light left inside and you may be absorbed there to sink deeply between the monsters of this spot, the dark spot in your heart

Friday, November 18, 2005

The choice 1

In a previous post I gave a question that I admit was so vague and so general, somehow mysterious too, but I couldn’t find a better way to give it without revealing the meaning behind which could blow all what I wanted to do away

The question looked so simple; will you support the devil if he goes for what you believe in? So simple from the outside but it trigger a very big conflict in the inside, will you support the right things with the wrong people?

As a historical fact, many times the fear of being with the “bad side” made us –the Egyptians – act in the wrong direction trying to be distinct from those “bad people”, somehow it started to be in our heritage to do so, we want to deny any relation to bad people believing that they represent nothing but pure evil.

There is no pure evil in life, which is why when we go that way; we will mostly make the mistake of avoiding doing the right in order to stay out of suspicion to be with the evil side

I tried hard to get any direct answers, but mostly failed, I noticed that the blog got many visits after I posted this question but without answers on it, my friends tried to escape giving a direct answer even after explaining more the question (I mean here my direct friends that I meet everyday and know me well) and day by day I got with one conclusion, from the simple watching and talking with people you can know things you can’t know from questions like the one I gave as they will always run away from it yet they can’t escape their acts in life

Now it is time for the story:

Location: Giza, Egypt, somewhere near the pyramids

Time: August 1894

The story:

The slave era was just ending; Egyptian government made a decision to cancel slavery and made a special police dept for this purpose, the punishment was so hard in case you are caught selling or buying slaves

At this time the Egyptian council wanted to end the mission of the new police dept claiming that it costs a lot while the Egyptians are not mature enough and they don’t think to buy or sell slaves

Few months from this talk in the Egyptian council –which had no real authority at that time and apparently not at this current time either- a big case was unrevealed!!!

3 of the council members and a very famous doctor from a very high reputation family where caught for buying six Sudanese women as slaves, they admitted the crime thinking that there position in the community will protect them, we don’t here need to mention that they slavery canceling police was the one responsible for catching them, the director was a British officer

up to now you must be asking, what could possible be connecting that to my question, the connection in the behavior of the Egyptians, the very well educated writers in this subject, we see many writers wrote to protect the criminals, they claimed they did nothing wrong, they even claimed that “buying a slave from a rich man helps him and save his life!!”, they were giving excuses for the crime, they even claimed that they shouldn’t be in jail like common criminals and that they must be treated in a different way, remember that they admitted the crime, yet the newspapers kept on defending them!!!

Why did they do it? I suppose they hate against the British occupation made them support anything to stay away from supporting any act from the occupation! they supported the crime knowing it is a crime

A similar story happened about 1874 from the Egyptian pop kerles the fifth; I may tell you this story later!!

The story repeats its self everyday, see that many of us try to find excuses for what the terrorists do in Iraq just because they hate the American occupation; they support evil and shut their eyes and minds from what happen just to stay with the side they like

Now can you have a moment to ask your self this question; have you ever done the same on any scale?

To be continued

Thursday, November 17, 2005

strange moment

2 days ago I was leaving work -inside the university- it was 1 AM and you should imagine how does it look at that hour

things were so calm, so pure and so innocent, you could hear your breath and see the air moving around you, few dogs voices from somewhere far away that looks like they come from another world

have you ever seen the unviersity without students ??? It is much different and much beautiful!!
yes, may be i am one of the persons that hate crowds and sure i admit that but that is not the poing, in the morning i wonder, if we have all those students in the university, how could we fail in all subjects in life!!! if we even have 1% of them really working, we will be of the best nations!!

Ok, besides, you can imagine the activities those students do all the time, sure there is a big idological gap between the university and the faculty of engineering placed across the street on the other side, the few meters carry in them a huge gap of different ideas and a complete different way of life

just a good idea, try entering the university late at night, sure if they let you pass you will find it an interesting experience :)

Friday, November 11, 2005

I am tagged again

Getting out of my cave to find out that many things has been going around, friends change, travel and leave and simetimes even get sick without me knowing a thing

I am so sorry all for the lonliness time I spent but I really needed to be with myself for a while, I kept posting here but I wasn't reading much

I am tagged again, so here I am, thanks to nour this time

7 things I want to do

1-meet all my friends at the same time
2-apologize to all those who I hurt all the time, but it is too late
3-return a kid, 12 years earlier would be great
4-round across Egypt and meet people, talk to the simple people
5-climb a mountain, I love open air and guess that would be interesting
6-leave everything to study religion for a while, from the conceptual side, I need to know god more and get more close to him, love him
7-start thinking about my future, I can’t see me in the future

7 things I can’t do

1- care for my appearance
2- hate a man
3- keep quiet in a talk about something I care for
4- concentrate on work for more than 10 minutes
5- stay in the same location for 5 seconds (I round all over the place I am in all the time)
6- have a think-less sleep
7- take a decision when it deals with a fight between my heart and my mind (50%-50% relationship)

7 things I say all the time

1- What is up?
2- Whatever
3- Who cares
4- I am bored to death
5- That is life!!
6- And so??
7- “bos ya sidi/bosi ya siti” in English, Look Mr/Miss
8- okkkzzzzzzz

7 people I want to tag them

1- Lemna (where did you disappear?)
2- Zainab
3- Phantom of the blog
4- Most of the others already did, so whoever pass by and care to do, you are welcome

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Simple question

If the devil stood in the side of something you believe right, what shall you do?

1- support him for the sake of what you believe in
2- stand against him even if you know you will support something bad
3- do nothing and watch the result

HMMM ??? what do you think ?

I will explain later why I asked you this question, I will give you a very nice story from history to clarify what I mean :)

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Few hours from now

Few hours from now, I will be in the test for military service, I suppose I should be tense and sad but actually I have a very high mood :)

Although I never experienced military life, I know i will hate it from the first look, I do hate to be tied up with things, I hate to follow stupid orders and sure I hate to follow anyone, I love to be me, away from all regulations and breaking all the codes, unfortunately, I can't live like that in the army

Will they take me? will they leave me? I just know onething, I didn't make any step to count with the possibility of me joinging the army, I built all my life on top of the theory that i will be free after the tests end, that i will never join the army, do i look stupid ?

lestining to dalida at the moment, many optimistic songs for her may be the reason of the good mood, being well prepared for tomorrow may be the reason while i don't know how to be prepared for such a thing :)

Ok, I will talk to you later when i return with the news

Friday, November 04, 2005

Love song

I will watch you in the darkness
Show you love will see you through
When the bad dreams wake you crying
I'll show you all love can do
All love can do

I will watch by the night
Hold you in my arms
Give you dreams where no one will be
I will watch through the dark
Till the morning comes

For the lights will take you
Through the night to see
All love, showing us all love can be

I will guard you with my bright wings
Stay till your heart learns to see
All love can be

Words in my mind

Intelligence work doesn’t much base on smart or innovative work, it is mostly based on the amount of information you collect, and the analysis power you employ to do as much cross analysis for different pieces of information as possible, the amount is endless and the possibilities for cross calculations are endless, the limit stay the sky and the road is directly proportional to the spent effort

the same apply for all kinds of applications including artistic kinds, the small percentage of innovation in any work is being crushed by the large percentage of focus, basic information, experience (which represents a reduction in spent time and reduction in error rates), cross analysis

Work based on the "one genius man" theory can't compete with the work of the circle of analytical half equipped persons, the same way as a mainframe can't stand against a super interconnected computer

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

A blogger arrested

I heard today that a blogger got arrested and the idea really shoced me and scared me

this blogger is a real question mark and the subject of lots of discussion due to his strange opinion during the last crisis of Alex yet we have a concept here, it is the concept of free speech and whatever he said he must have the freedom to say and even the freedom to make mistakes

if the government thinks he broke the law, then they must use the procedure of the law to deal with him which is not the case here.

I want us all to publish at least an objection on our blogs as a start against that until we think what we can do to solve this problem, we are here defending the freedom of all bloggers to think freely

the man is Abd El Kareem Amer and the subject source is wa7da masreya


minerva flies at dusk- end of alex crisis

they say minerva takes flight only at dusk, they refer by that to the fact that whenever we start to talk and discuss a crisis, this is declaring that this crisis is just about to die and the problem is about to be solved!!

ok, I hope they are right, but that is only if minerva could complete her flight without falling down with a broken wing :)

a lot of healthy talk has been circulating on the net, newspapers and media, of course the government still deny the whole case but who cares as much as the people start to realize it, this is the key for the solution

I am optimistic now, I know the danger is not fully out but i received a mail from a close friend telling me that she got on good terms again with her best friend, she is a muslim and her best friend is christian, my friend is a young person from the generation that came out in the demonistrations, my friend is a very committed muslim and I loved the fact that she understand that we are not enemies but we are partners

i am optimistic because she can fight to prove for the closed minded that blame her for that, to prove for them that they are stupid and blind, I am optimistic because i am not anymore alone in this fight and i am optimistic because what i could read on the blogs and the moves following

but let me put my dark glasses again, plzzzzzzzzz don't forget and plz don't slow down, move on, go after the roots of the problem reaching the seeds of hatred and don't be shy anymore, don't wait for our "beloved" governemt to move, it is no time for that, either we move now, or leave it for another generation that will curse us for letting them down

I am optimistic but with a long look on the future, if we get satisfied like the usual act of arabs with the good starting we got, we will finally fail, persistance is the key

Happy feast for us all, christians and muslims :)

Monday, October 31, 2005

Seeds of hatred

Few events passed by Egypt in this month of October but actually I wasn’t free much to think or see what is going on

Just recently, I started to analyze the facts gathered, I made a quick visit to the pal talk program to check what is going on, checked some famous suspected websites I even made some conversations with many parts representing different samples of the Egyptians, some of them I asked on purpose, some asked me to know my opinion in the current events

What I can see and can’t deny, there is a very wide tension in the relationship between Christians and Muslims in Egypt no matter how much we try to cover it or look civilized

According to my reading in history, the relationship between the two parts wasn’t always a honeymoon, in many cases it had similar tension but I can honestly say this time it is very critical and dangerous, it is wide spread in the Egyptians and that has a reason

The Christians have a deep feeling that we stole their country, that they don’t represent an important part of it anymore while they represent the initial citizens of this country, they are partially right about that but very wrong from a different point of view

Those who are ignored are not Christians only, it is Christians and Muslims, we both don’t represent anything in the control of this country and the reason is somewhere in the government buildings in Cairo

They think that the media is used only for Islamic material, they partially right but what they don’t know also is that the media broadcasts what it wants, it tailors Islam for its needs and didn’t and will never agree on any show that really serve Islamic purposes or make people aware of the nature of this religion and the real deep meanings it carry, they just broadcast shows all the time about how to worship god, but never about how to know god and the ethics related because they know the first thing those ethics will destroy is our fear and our long time acceptance for their terrony

By time, Muslims directed their minds and hearts to alternative sources like cassettes and cheap books sold in the streets or in public transportations, those sources that most of the time carried the seeds of hatred and step by step full generations were raised to cut the Christian side from the nation

The Christian nation is to blame here too, they didn’t try to restore their rights, to tell the Muslims we are not enemies, we are partners, they actually took the way of separation and got satisfied by living away from the hearts of their partners, again generations came believing in complete separation and counting Muslims as their enemies, this is because they found they can’t have some of their rights and they found Muslims don’t care, they so held them accused rather than relating it to the system controlling the country, playing with its future for some dirty political games
The seeds of hatred grew up more and more with the current situation in our area of occupation in Iraq and the stupid hatred-based ideas that spread that this war had a religious basic, a fairy tale that increased the gab between us, especially with the voices of some Christians asking for foreign interfere with their case in Egypt that people directly bounded it with Iraq as it is a call for invasion in Egypt

I can’t deny that some voices there really called even for foreign troops in Egypt to “protect Christians from the massive extermination that the Muslims are doing there!”

Along more than 50 years, the seeds of hatred have been planted and served all the time until it grew up to give us a very ugly plant that we see now

What is the answer??? How can we solve this?

I think we need to make people more connected to Egypt more than anything, loyalty is a very dangerous factor and the silly plays we give in 1973 celepration every year doesn’t help much, we need to introduce Egypt as a concept and one unit to the generations in more strong way

I believe also that religion must be given more care from both sides, especially in the conceptual side; we miss this side much, which can teach us the meanings of peace and love that, is found in both religions

I believe also that the freedom atmosphere needs to change, we don’t have inner freedom before we seek it from the government and we need to work much to introduce people into the space of open free ideas that can contradict in peace, when we learn how to live the freedom as a self experience, we will learn how to accept the fact that we were created different and that is what makes every human unique, to be different is to be alive and we must learn to accept different people

We must learn to be brave too, no more restrictions in any discussion, there are no more taboos in any field, taboos are being destroyed everywhere and new modern answers are being created each day, we must forget our restrictions and start discussing things that we were satisfied by accepting its ready-made answers we received very long time ago made by minds much out of our modern time

In brief, we must learn to be humans from the ground up, remove the dust of old stale ideas and build a brand new theory of life together, a brand new theory on how to think and act in all life sides not just in sides connecting Muslims and Christians.

Can we do that in a country with our state?? I wonder but I don’t lose hope, at least I am trying not to lose hope at the current moment

Note: wish me luck in my military service; I am applying my papers in a week from now

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Source of evil, the reason

I though about my last post and I found a gab in it, so I found that I should complete this gab

Why do I talk about the source of evil and list those things??

When you are really an evil man, you will not know that, you will be mostly moved by a motive that you see innocent and in most cases you will see it like a good motive and think you are doing the right thing, the worst kind of evil is when you think you are doing the right, good intentions lead to bad ends all the time

Those who make crimes with bad intentions kill a man or two or even a few, but this “patriot” or the one who call himself so, can kill thousands and even millions without losing his self respect

When you kill a man and look into his eyes and know your bad intentions, it is a hard experience for anyone with living heart, but with a motive of loyalty, principles, religion and so on, you can kill thousands thinking you are spreading good ideas and saving the world

I though it would be good to discuss some of the faces of evil sources that we use as a curtain to hide behind from our bad deeds, we will try here to know if those motives are of pure evil, partial evil or that they are not the source of evil at all, I will be open to hear your comments as I accepted all the comments in the loyalty discussion long ago

See you in the first section

Sources of evil

In humans, there is no devil and there will be no angel, we all have our mistakes and we all have both the devil and the angel inside, it just depends on which door do you open your heart for

I will be throwing here questions more than answers, trying to know what factors affect the door that we open, what makes us lock the door for the light and open the door and windows for the dark side in us

Of course I can’t at the moment list the factors that makes that possible but I will list the most things that I can see for now, those are:

• Discrimination
• Comparison
• Acceptance
• Chains of terrony
• Principles

I will start a new sequence of posts about those factors, I am currently thinking of making a new separate blog for this kind of posts related to society and human nature not to bather my beloved readers of this blog with the nonsense I keep my mind wandering in

What shall we start with now? We have already handled Loyalty
very long time ago; I think the next one we should start working on should be discrimination, especially in the current time

Meet you in the next post :)

Friday, October 28, 2005

And yet another song

Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, there's air of silence
In the bedroom and all around
Touch me now, I close my eyes and dream away
It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
Make believing, we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I've turned to water
Like a teardrop in your palm
And it's a hard winter's day, I dream away
It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love but it's over now
I'ts where the water flows, its where the wind blows
It must have been love but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but its over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
Yeah it must have been love ..

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Prisons #1

This post is intended to be a starting point of a sequence of posts about prisons we have in our life, prisons that we can’t touch yet has the most effect in our lives, prisons that were able to destroy nations and build others.

Physical prisons can’t really imprison your freedom if you really have it in your deep inside, just those virtual ones can do that job

This time I will talk about one of the worst of those prisons, it is the one responsible of holding our civilization (if we have one) back for centuries, it is the prison of acceptance

The prison of acceptance is a prison we put on our minds when we decide to take ready-made ideas from elsewhere, here we imprison the mind and prevent him from trying to justify the validity of those ideas

How many of us stop to ask the magical question: “why?” and how many of us then receive one of those silly answers such as: “orders of god, the right thing to do, for your own good” and stuff of that kind then how many of us will move to justify the reason of the answer till he is finally convinced??

Is it right to justify everything and keep your mind working all the time? I wonder but all I can say is that my mind is free and working to the burning limit!

The Egyptian writer, Salah Esa, says that what I just called the acceptance prison was forced on the nations by invaders and governments to keep them under control all the time by the name of god, he sue was talking about Egypt but at once I remembered Europe in the middle ages and the control of the church on all branches of life and science.

Don’t you think it is the time to move this old machine -called the brain- a little and get it back to life… free?

Friday, October 21, 2005


Take this new quote by me:

"poeple are the things you have to push back; in order to move on"


My sister accidently dropped Pepsi on my PC, all over the desk, keyboard and my little mouse:(

ok, the mouse made it but the keyboard couldn't be saved :( so from now and till i have the time to buy a new one, i will be using my old keyboard, which i am totally not used to, so i will not write anything new, all my posts will be from the saved un-posted ones, this may be good chance to check that huge number of un-posted stuff


1973: Lessons #1: Media

we had a war, we lost in this war according to the most optimistic reports about 8000 soldiers, souls and families, the least thing to do for them is to learn from what happened

The lesson today is about media, whenever we start to hide the truth from the people, we must be prepared for the defeat

The media before and during and even after 1967 has committed the biggest lie in the history of Egypt

first of all, the covered the conditions that Egypt had to accept for Israel to leave Sinai after the war of 1956, this was the first step of the lie, to make it acceptable they made all Sinai a military closed area so that no one could go there and know the truth

they kept us living in the lie for years and years, feeding us with southands of nonsense we read everyday about the weak army of Israel and our huge abilities, they gave us two rockets without guiding chips claiming they can hit Israel, the two rockets where a complete failure, they sent our troops to Yemen and told us they were fighting for freedom, but actually they were fighting for the illusion of the glory Nasser seek, they told us they fight for honor but they were killing children and burning houses there (yes it is true, believe it, that is what we did in Yemen!! )

During 1967, the lie continued, then suddenly, all broke down and the truth appeared as ugly as it is!!

The question is, did we learn from that? When you read our newspapers those days, can you believe what it tells?

Click on the picture above to see how bad the lie can be!!

I hope we understand that the road to the future starts from the past; we need to know the past, reveal the details of what happened in our wars and then learn from them

Good Bye

Forgetting is not all the time easy,. But sometimes it is a must, you don’t forget really, all you do is to forget to think, put your heart into a state of emptiness and try to keep it idle not to restore the memories back, sometimes you succeed, sometimes you fail, but sure if you insist on it, you will reach it no matter how long it takes

Life seems strange these days, I am so confused, I can’t verify the laws I lived by, I sometimes feel that there is a huge gab in the ethics I lived by, something not right in my life, and some other times I feel it is all a matter of a chance and the ethics and regulations I lived by has nothing to do with it, I feel that I didn’t do something wrong and all the problem was in the timing may be or the destiny but not in the basis its self

I love to talk to others but sometimes it is hard to say what you really want to say, sometimes you feel the words stuck, do you know, the worst time of being depressed is when you don’t want to talk about the reasons anymore, moreover, when you can’t figure out the reasons your self

I know the reason for me to be depressed and I am sure of it, I know how to overcome it but I know that is much beyond my abilities in the current time, but I have no impossible

Few years ago, I had a bad time too, I got affected so much and I remember I had a very bad results this year as I couldn’t concentrate in a single word, my parents didn’t know a thing about it, anyway I am not of the kind that speaks about his heart to anyone, I keep that stuff to myself all the time and here lies the problem

I moved on later, I could beat that not knowing what is waiting for me later, not knowing that a much deeper pain is waiting somewhere on my way, the question is now, where is the answer ?

Will the answer be somewhere away from here? I will try to travel for a while, may be that would change something in me, and I will have a 3 months period to decide if I will stay in Egypt of leave, I don’t know what to tell you, I know I promised all of you that I will stay in Egypt no matter what happens to me but sometimes it is so hard to keep a promise, I want to stay but if staying will be in both the place and the case, then I will have to drop them both and leave to a much further place, just about 6000 kilometers away where I can have a clean start, or at least that is what I will assume there

Am I trying to get myself some excuse to leave? I don’t know but leaving was never part of my plans if I ever had any, but I can’t bear that anymore , I need to act before I go insane

I wrote a good bye word to both of them, knowing for sure that it will reach both of them, the one that I all the time loved and would be so hard to leave, which is Egypt and the only human that could make me leave it

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Nice song

the words touched me alot from the first time I listened to them, it is by Bryan Adams, I chosed this part because it is the strongest in the song:

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Seeking my soul

I am still lost, searching for my soul, reaching out for help!!

I wonder sometimes; did I ever had a soul and then lost it, or is it just I have never had a soul!!

Trying to remember, trying to understand, what is the use of the mind with a tortured soul & heart???

Did I change to the better or to the worse? Was it good for me to realize things, or should I stayed as I was unaware of things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My head is gonna blow up, I am trying to shut it down now with no use

My god was that month the month of madness or the month of rise!! Was it a holy light that came to my soul or a devilish light!!

I am going back to my cave now, BYE

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Don't hide

hiding is not a solution especially if the other side knows how, when and where to find you, moreover

1973: Military facts

here are some military facts many of us don’t know or seem to ignore, let’s see it,

the rule of the Russians in the victory was great, we must remember that the plan of the war was totally following the Russian military school
the man who wrote the complete plan of October war, Mohammed Abd El Ghani el Gamasi, has the best reputation in Israel, how many of the Egyptians know him ?
the most effective rule in the war was for the artillery and regular soldiers, they paid a high price for the war
we can’t forget the engineers who worked on building the bridges under attack and lost their lives, we mustn’t forget also the huge number of workers and engineers who lost their lives while building the Air-defense barrier
We cheated the Syrians in the war, they demanded too much from us more than the abilities of our army, so at the beginning we didn’t apply what was agreed between us (to move to “al madayek” area)
the second phase of the plan was a complete disaster
Ariel Sharon is a very good military leader, review his way in leading his troops to land behind our lines and you will know why I do respect his mind
we won the war in the first 3 or 4 days, we lost it afterwards, what I believe that we won forever is the respect of the world as a nation that can fight for its freedom
the air forces has the smallest effect on the war, it seemed like Hosny mubarak wanted to save the plans and didn’t use them after the first strike(unless in a very rare conditions)
I love Sadat, he is a man that cares for his country and put a very high price for each soldier, that means a lot to me.
I missed the funeral of El Gamasi, I knew of it late after it was already moving and there was no way to catch it, I feel terrible for that since his funeral

Sunday, October 02, 2005


Sometimes when I speak with one of my friends, I find my mouth throwing blocks of wise words!!

The last time I was walking with a friend of mine, he was talking with me about a romantic problem he had, I started to talk saying few statements classifying the different kinds of feelings a man can feel toward a woman and marking each one with the signs the man in the relation can see, my friend got astonished, I am in his eye that young shy guy that had one previous experience in his life and since then stopped to talk or believe in love, he said after I finished: “I see you have a mind here, why you look so stupid with when it is related to you then!!”

Recently, while reading the blog of lemna, my dear wise friend, I started to think, we are 22 years old now, we should be young and idiots but that is not the case, we look wise, old people look wise so, did our souls get old early before time ? Did our time go quickly giving us lessons other didn’t have the chance yet to have?

What other chances did we miss on the way?

What was the cost for wisdom we would never seek?


Today, while I was at work, we suddenly heard large noise coming from the university

You sure know that we work inside the university, to be more precise, we work in the building of “dar 3oloom” just of front of “e3lam” building

Guess what? It was a demonstration!!

I had a quick flash back of my first term in the university, I was very young and still affected by my readings about Jewish history, I was full of strength, I can’t say full of hatred because I think I never really hated them!!

I was walking like them, I wasn’t shouting, I don’t believe large voice can make a change, we walked a little and I wanted to be there, to be with them in this

Today, we all jumped out of our chairs like little kids, me, with another few employees and one of the managers, to watch the demonstration from the window, we were so exited about it!

5 years in the university had many changes on me; first I stopped to believe in demonstrations as a real act, then recently I started to believe it is a small step but in the right way, a small step that has to be in a complete plan to make a change

I remember about 3 years ago, there was a big demonstration, they opened the doors suddenly and I was astonished that they let them go out, they made a road of security guards between our faculty (engineering) and the rest of the university, we were allowed to enter the university with a demonstration, I remember that at that time I was fully convinced that I shouldn’t be part of any of this, but at least I couldn’t help it and I joined them for one purpose… to make it to the bigger demonstration to find out what was going in there

When war against Iraq happened I was so touched, I didn’t tell you but Iraq is one of my favorite countries due to many reasons this is not the place to mention, but I was really heart broken, I had that fire against all Americans (I have many American friends by the way)

Inside the university, and beside another big demonstration, I met an American woman, her son was in the war, she was there to support the forces against war I had a long conversation with her and honestly, just a look to her innocent face did me great help, it somehow implanted in me the seed of peace, to understand that we are all humans and we should start to judge the criminal not all connected to him

I don’t know why I am saying all this nonsense, I just think that this demonstration somehow could wake something in me while looking into rows of young kids that has no idea what they are doing, that has no real beliefs and no real plan and are just moving forward following trust in people I do believe they don’t deserve it

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Another leaf leaving the tree

Another year has passed, it is odd that we feel happy when in birthdays while its meaning is tht you just lost another year of your life!!

I was born in 29/9/1983, in saudia arabia, in gaddah, I was about to die while being born, but they saved me (I don't know why!!!) in the hospital and got out after a few weeks, 2 months later, I returned to my mother land, Egypt

The previous year was a very strange year for me, during this year, my heart returned to beat again, returned to have fights with me, during it also, my mind changed-to the better i think- and it finally could let my soul go out of its cage, at least from time to time

the previous year had my great problem while I see things ending and I have nothing to do to stop it, it had great joy and great pain too

I lost many friends in reality in the previous year, for no good reason actually, and I won many good friends in the other world, here in the blogging, for good reasons this time

it is a whole year, 12 months, 365 days has passed, how did that happen, i don't know, i stell remember me going to school for the first time, holding my bag, the young kid had to change and became the old man that is me!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The question is yours!

If you have a magical stick and you have the choice to choose two problems in the universe that you want to end, what will you chose?

Don’t read the comments before you set your answer not to be affected by others’ comments take a deep breath and give me your answer


Along with a very beautiful image, Lemna published the following words in her blog, I couldn't find a more pure representation for what I want to say but those magnificant words and I couldn't help stealing them :D

The key to inner peace is healing our sense of separation from our source...
The key to world peace is healing our sense of separation from each other...
Peace is the realization of a oneness with that which permeates all and binds all together and gives life to all.A oneness with that which many would call "God"...


this is the nearest pic to the view visible in the sky of cairo around 3.30 am these days :)

if the sky is pure enough, you will be able to see each star in this figure and if you know their groups it will be very easy to see each group, in the figure I spotted a star group that was very clear in the sky (won't be more clear if someone connected the dots in the sky !! )

by the way, The original image was more clear but when uploaded to the blog system it doesn't look as good, you can see more stars clear in the original image got by cyber sky program, or more easy, in the sky :)

Friday, September 23, 2005

Before I lose the moment

before the taste of the moment fades, if you can then go and check the starts from your window :)

This night, the sky is so pure and so clean that you can see an incredible number of stars even in the city lights, I can see it very clear, I can even call each one and each group by its own name, that is really wonderful!

I missed that feeling, but it is coming back now :)

Quick news

this is the news update after I am back of my short vacation :

1- I must send a pure honest aplogy for my previous post, I was talking decisions in a very dark mood and those decisions don't represent me as much as they represent the kind of sadness i have been through and honstly i forgot all about those decisions and i am not willing to take them seriously, forgive me and forget that time, I know I looked both stupid and mysterious, just let it go

2- There is no reason for me not to join the army, a friend of mine has the same case like me is already serving now, so 3 months from now i guess you will start to miss me :(

3- I am starting a new project tomorrow in work, this means more time will be used and less time will be available for the blogs thing

4- I am now officially starting the masters as I passed the "mini" toefl exam, I don't know how can they call it toefl exam although it has no writing or lestining sections!!!

5- I am reading now some stories from the history of egypt, the book writer is salah esa, i will post a few texts that i loved much of the book, just few lines that really moved me, sure after translating them or add them to the arabic blog

6- I am currently considering the use of this blog, should it represent a special line or should it be more like a diary or a homepage ? what do you think ?

I will be back soon, wait for me :)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

No title

This is my last post for a while, I will go disappear for about 10 or 15 days, not because I will be so busy, and not because I will travel because I can always check my blogs from any place on earth.

Actually it is because I feel so confused, I need to arrange things, I may travel somewhere to arrange things.

I may have to kill some memories, some emotions and some part of the past, I will play my card that these memories represent less than 50% of my soul and will kill them, I will know later if this would kill me completely or not

I know I sound strange, but since when did I seem clear? When did any of you know me right? When did I talk to anyone about the past, about the life I had with its pain and joy?

I know I was so closed and so mysterious, I know I was so shy sometimes and not wanting to express myself, all that have good reasons, and I can’t help, that is just me!

For you, forgive me if I hurt you once, forgive me if you expected me to be there but I couldn’t, and above all forgive me for what I have to do.

It’s you who could help, it is you who could end this madness and this mess but it seems it was never in your plans!!

I don’t blame you, it is hard enough without blaming each other, it is hard enough without reminding each other with what we could do but we didn’t, and what we could not do but we did!!

I just want to tell you, I have to go this way, things are stronger and I can’t feel any support, I have to go try to collect the rest of my soul

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Nasser 67

I do hate that man, from all my heart!!

Yes I do hate him, and honestly, from all my heat I wish he burn in hell for what he did for all of us!!

I never really hated someone in my life, this could be the first time I admit with a loud strong voice that I do hate that man, I do hate him and I believe he is a shame for all of us.

I even hate that silly move "Nasser 56", so I will always call this man "Nasser 67"


Tuesday, September 13, 2005

No Power

I can’t think of a single idea to write, whenever I start to write a romantic story, I find it ends with the death of one of them or even in its best situations, they leave each other

Whenever I start to write few lines on the papers it ends up with a bomb blowing up everything in the story while I don’t know where this bomb came from!!

My mind is like a snake that eats any young idea struggling to get out.

Life is a dream, we are dreaming, why then all my dreams turn to nightmares??

What you see is what you get? Is it the truth then that I live in a real cruel world that has no more space for any idea but hatred and blood?

What you see depends mainly on what you look for:

Is it then an inner desire to torture myself? Is it me that guilty that should be punished by living in those nightmares all the time?

Life is pain, you get used to it:

Why then can’t I get used to that pain?

Life is a list of targets you wish to achieve and watch your self proceeds in it:

Where is my list, why I was forgotten when they gave each one his list then, I feel like that little student that didn’t find his name in the exam results

Life is a list of things you will never have the chance to do:

I can’t think even of this list, when I think of it, another bomb blow it away or blood spoil it

I have no power or well to write more, good luck then!

Quick news update

Here is the last news of today:

I got a new pencil :)

I am reading standards; I think I will spend the rest of my life reading standards
:( I hate that but it is essential this time as mostly I will be part of the design team of this product ;)

Note that if I don't have my pencil I can't think, sometimes I think that my mind is in this black pencil, I use the same brand, same color and same thickness of the pencil for more than 5 years now, I use it in all my life and hate to use a pen in anything, even when I am not doing anything I must be holding it:D

I am now making a complete re-consideration of my life, my ideas, a long stage of my life is over, large part of my heart is left there and I have to find out if I will go on without it, or should I return to stay with it

I will take a vacation starting this Thursday for 10 days, mostly you won't hear a thing from me in that period as I need to spend some time alone with myself to think of some stuff, I think I will go somewhere away from Cairo for a while too.

My mother is traveling before Ramadan starts, this means I will starve in Ramadan :(

The brave Palestinians went burning down everything in the ex-settlements of Israel after years of being forbidden from entering it, knowing that half of them were working with occupation somehow!!

My friends think I got totally mad, I believe they are very wrong.

They think I became mad, but I believe I was born mad ;)

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Agassi & federer

Agassi made it to the finals, this means he will meet federer, the expectations are all off as those two players can't be predicted, we all saw how bad Agassi did yesterday :(
just a note, agassi and federer met 10 times as i got the record from the internet, the result was 3-7 which is in favour for federer :(

Will agassi, the old experienced man do it and end his history with USA open with a final victory? I wonder and I hope :)

Yesterday, he made me mad, he didn't play as he can, he was playing like with 50% of his power, like in power saving mode-lol- and he was about to lose the game!! but he got back in the match and won it after a long game that made me late from joing my friends

The other day, sharapova took her ticket out of the game :( , I must note that sharapova is one of my favorite and her play style is unique and impressing, but the girl from belgium was playing a standard tennis, no risks made and she is very high in her fitness and could beat the young sharapova that looked a little confused and not concentrating well, she lost many of her serves with double faults!!!

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Humans…. Shame on you!!!

Reading the newspaper brings that black sadness to my soul, almost from the first page till the last you will find theft, rope, killing, betraying,… read between the lines and you will understand that political news talks about hatred, sports full of betraying, theft and even the woman paper will talk about violence that the women lives under!!
You will find all kinds off hatred in there, pure black hatred.

Check your mail, in the middle of them you will find mails directed by hatred, different ideas, different countries and moreover different religions fight against each other with the most dirty ways directed by pure hatred and evil plans to plant more hatred in the world as if it is in need for more

Go to any chat room, see what happens there if it has any kind of discussion, open the TV on any discussion program and watch the two parts how they are ready to jump on each other at the first possible chance!!

Go to the streets, watch people and see how they act, beasts are less evil from that, you have to struggle your way to move through them and by the end of your way you will find yourself just like them, another beast!!!

What makes us humans? What makes us unique from other beasts in the world?
Is it the clothes that we hide our nature with, or is it the brilliant minds that enables us to hide that amount of hatred beyond strong words like virtue and justice while all we seek is self wealth ?

Are you happy with being a human after all, or did you wish to be something else?

Humans… shame on you!!! I would better be a beast

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

egyptian elections = complete nonsense

Hi all,

I will report here quickly what happened in my tour between election committees, I will translate it into Arabic later:

First, I went the nearest committee beside my work, I went there with a friend of mine, we both didn't have election ids, but he had the national id, I didn't have any id at all :)

OK, when we entered there, a man met us and told us either we have the election ids or we go to our birth location to vote there, of course I wasn't born in Egypt, so he told me, go to the police office you are registered at, ok then

While leaving we met a journalist from "al masry al youm" , they didn't let her inside the committee but she waited outside to ask people getting out about what happened, we talked to her and then she told us :

"Hundreds came here and voted while they are not from this committee and used just the national id not the election ids!!"

OK, at first I couldn't believe that as that is simply against the law, but I decided to check out, we returned back and this time we talked to another man, he then let my friend vote there, only with his national id and without checking in any lists!!!

Ok, no need to tell you that my friend was born in 82 which means that he doesn't exist in any list on earth!!!

I then moved to the police office, in the entrance, I met an officer, he told me if I am 83 or later to go to an office beside the police stating and get my election id, I went there but he told me that I can't have it until I am 84 or later!!!!

ok, astonished about that as my friend who is 82 has just voted a few minutes ago, I met two friends, they told me that they know a committee that don't require anything but the national id or any id, so I went there, it was very crowded there (note that the previous two committee had almost no one to vote there, it was almost totally empty)

We arrived there, the way was to take the ids and call the names to enter and vote no need to say that no one was permitted to watch the voting from the inside!!

My two friends gave their national ids and already voted, I met there another two friends and they voted too, no need to tell that the four persons doesn't exist in any list and I checked all the lists myself !!!

Ok, I went to another committee as they told me I should find my name in the lists there if it does exist, I went there and a solider told me that those lists are for those who have election ids only!!!! How come and what for, if they have election ids. then they should be permitted to vote anywhere without checking any list!!

Ok, he then agreed to check, after checking the record he told me that my name isn't there, I took the list and checked it myself and my name wasn't there, I then went to another office in the same committee, they had another copy of the names, there I checked the list, but found nothing again

Here I found something strange, the first list had few "maged" names in it, the second one didn't include any, and simply there are two lists!! They complete each other and the stupid solider checked in one only, I know my name isn't there anyway, but what if others have the same problem!!!

Ok, later I just checked the committees again, watched them stopping the voting to take pictures while it is still crowded!! Not caring for the complains of the people there

That is what I saw in a hurry, I will tell you if I remember anything else and tell you if I know any more details,


Monday, September 05, 2005

Collecting souls

Following Lasto adri steps, and as usual too late, here is a list of blogs that really deserve to get a look at

1- Steliano Ponticos: this man is a rocket, he never stops and knows everything about everything, he writes most of the time about art, sometimes takes the responsibility of an old wise grandmother and tell us amazing stories. Watch out for his day dreams!! This man is a real dreamer; his dreams can be turned to real movies I believe!!

2- lasto-adri: this is a pure and simple thoughts by lasto adri, do you know what makes them very special? It is so simple that it invades your heart directly, when she talks about her memories, you could see the pic and watch her moving and jumping as a child, you may find an image of your life in one of her wonderful Arabic stories, I did find myself in one of them!!

3- on my own: again lasto adri, but this time in English, the page has the same taste although covered with the English style, but still the Egyptian girl touch can be seen all over it

4- Froggy, do you need a friend? Here is one, a friend with no preconditions, she talks to you as if you are sitting together, there is no limits there in the forggy’s world, you can check the pictures she takes or read her poems (if you are strong in French!!)

5- Lemna, another kind-hearted friend, so sensitive and so wise, a big philosopher she is!! Listen to her wise quotes and read the songs she picks carefully, it always carry a meaning, a part of her soul!!

6- Ahmed el said: our scientific man, although he likes science but he has another important touch, it is the social criticizing touch when he discuss simple things from the direct feelings of a man involved in them

7- R: you have to be beyond normal to visit his beyond normal place, he has a great blog, everyday has a new thing, it is a pleasure to read it and know how this man thinks, he always have a different point of view, a wise and deep one

8- Sydalany, this man is amazing, read for your self and you will know what am I talking about

9- Nour, young sensitive girl, romantic to the limit but has the tools to extract that romance to papers, this is a real writer starting to show up

10- Mo, take care, he is upset all the time, he knows the secrets of life, the pain and sweet in it, he have this great hopeless love for his country, and love for love as a whole, and overall, he is different

There are much more blogs that really deserve to be visited and I do visit regulary, but I guess this is enough for today :)
You will find the information listed here just a subset of the unique character of those bloggers, it is your turn to discover the rest ;)

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Pure Happiness

When he entered the room we couldn’t do but notice his presence…

The first thing that you can notice is the formal suit he wear but this is just the start, you will then see his face, oh my god, how much happiness I could see in his eyes!!

The man is a friend of us and work with us, the first time I met him was just one week ago in the faculty while applying for the masters, he is a very nice and decent person, we talked for a small while before each went to complete his papers

He is getting married! Didn’t you guess that by now? What else could make him that happy then!

If marriage won’t be for love it won’t give you that kind of happiness ever, and I can’t trade that happiness with the whole world, I can’t accept less than that feeling

I remember a year ago when my very deaaaaaaaaaaar friend Hazem was getting married, we were moving together in the crowd giving things to the guests in “katb el ketab”

I actually felt a strange feelings when people thought it was me the groom not him, as we look like each other (we were wearing a similar suit with a small degree of difference in the color, the same color in the chemise but different ties)

Do you know what made me feel so happy? It is the first time from a long time I see a pure smile on someone’s face!!! And it was like an infection as a strange feeling of happiness invaded my heart and made me smile too.

Saturday, September 03, 2005


check this joke by laser guy

Friday, September 02, 2005

10 rules for rightful resistance

1- never ever target civilians
2- if you can’t provide a justice trial for those you think betrayed their country, don’t target them at all
3- whenever the enemy is in the crowd, don’t attack him, that talk about the civilian price is silly, there is no reason to let the possibility of killing a civilian or a child by a mistake
4- don’t work for revenge, work for the good of the people, make your target something higher than revenge and haterad, like freedom
5- if you catch soliders of the enemy, either you treat them as prisoners of war and take them away with you, or you let them go if you can secure them back with you
6- never take photos for the dead soliders of the enemy after an attack, this is inhuman at all
7- never make your operations in the middle of the cities, you scare people and make terrible disturbance
8- never attack the others who work to free the land by different ways as traitors, it is normal to have different ways to freedom, all uses his own way to the same target
9- never base your resistance on a special race or religion, it is after all a fight for freedom and it is the duty of every one that has the nationality of this country
10- if you break any of the previous rules then you are simply a terrorist, so cheer up, you don’t have to follow the other rules :)


Following the orders of lasto adri, here it is:

10 years ago:
I was a young kid, I was in love with reeding falling deeply between southands of friends that are all in my mind only, I remember I was very bad in arabic too, the most important I had an empty mind and an empty heart

5 years ago:
I was just leaving secondry school and joing the university, those old days I was in my romatic period where everything had a special taste, I had a very full heart and a very empty mind
at that time I didn’t form any special Idea about anything, I was ready to accept any idea and give it up after five minutes, moreover, I was alive, I had that fire you can find in a teenager

1 year ago:
I was in the last year in the faculty, I was in what we call in our group: “the acceptance mood” where you start to accept whatever that happens to you in the faculty and don’t complaign anymore, I was also in a loop of death, all activites were stopped and the only activity I kept on was breathing, without a real intention from me to continue breathing I can guarantee.
I had a full mind but a heavy heart.

I will be flying in the sky, if not tomorrow then it is certianly after tomorrow, I know it will happen to fly back to the place where you really belong, I will make it and you will see
try to visit me there then :)

5 snacks I enjoy:
anyting you guess will be right

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs:
fairoz, celine dion

5 things I'd do with $100,000,000:
buy some books, a labtop, a suit to walk on the moon, a car and a house on the mooon, a ticket to the moon and never return back

5 locations I'd like to run away to:
my old primary school, the ocean, the sky, a loving arms, a galaxy far away,

5 bad habits I have:
talk too much , forget food time, get up late, forget the last moment before it passes, never call a friend on the phone(although I love them much I swear)

5 things I like doing:
reading, thinking, talking to myself (with loud voice like crazy people do) , hanging out till late hours, playing mulitplayer games like small kids :)

5 TV shows I like:
friends, dr becker , x files, Ally McBeal and the news of course

5 movies I like:
legends of the fall, forest gumb, midsummer night dream, saving private rayan, Dr givago and many others
5 people I'd like to meet:
ahmed gasser, hoda makky, mohammed khatamy, osama ben laden (to report him to the police), YOU

5 biggest joys at the moment:
reading a blog of a special friend, talking to a special person at work, reading history books, enjoying tha fact that I don’t watch local TV (it sucks when you open it and see the presidential elections all over it) speding the night looking to the sky and counting the stars

5 favorite toys:
just my little bear, he is lost long ago as I gave it as a family hiritage to my little niece

I'm tagging:

Lemna (I hope you got out of the sad moments you had)
Ahmed el said

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

finally :D

I finally delivered the task I had at work!!

Let me till you the historical background of this very "nice" task

its original creator created it without much understanding because it is so silly and so complicated, he then decided to leave the company

they got him the first victim, my friend Amr who was supposed to get full understanding of the componenet before the original creator leave, I don't know what did the component do to him but he left the company just after 1 week of starting this component!!

finally it settled in my hands, I spent 22 days reading code, documents, a standard of 350 pages and asking questions that mostly has no answer :(

But finally it is done and the manager approved the final review document presented today :D

I am now listening to music I downloaded from bluelue homepage (Many thanks really :) )

I miss you…

I know we weren’t much together but from a distance; and while each of us is busy with his problems, I still could hear your heart beats, feel your breath beside me, around me and even inside me…

When I get up I wish the day gets shorter because I know I will have to spend it without you, but I then wish it gets longer because I know each day passes separate us more…

I need you, I need to feel your need to me, I need to know you will be there when I get up to be able to sleep again

Monday, August 29, 2005


Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.-- Wendell Johnson

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Shooting star is beautiful far in the sky
But if it comes to you, it burns you down


In the past I used to talk and nobody listen, now I don't talk and nobody is even there to listen


Emotions & Moments

When you are deeply lonely, and when you break a limit, you can’t simply get out of it

You need either a miracle or a hand, or may be a hand of miracle you can say

The miracle may be an event that shocks all of your conscious and energize you and open your eyes, it has to be strong enough to take your eyes out of your body and move it up higher to see your case from a different point of view and give you the well to move out of the circle of depression

The hand needs another hand, it means when the hand come to you it must find you already aware you are in trouble and in urgent need for help, you must not be too proud to accept it and it must find your hand ready and spreading to catch the hand of help, it rarely come twice I think

This hand will be from someone you care for, someone you respect and trust, someone you can guarantee your safety with and can follow in the dark knowing he leads you to the right way

The saddest moment when you fail to get someone out of this loop, when your hand return to you but empty

The most happy moment when you miss someone so much, wish to see that person from all your hear and open the door to find him there just asking for you, can you imagine that ?


it seems I can't get rid of the bad habits of the faculty, I keep taking quizzes, this one although I didn't like much as it had simple direct questions that force the answer to be your native religion but I took it anyway

You scored as Islam. Your beliefs are most similar to those of Islam. Do more research on Islam and possibly consider taking the shahadah and officially becoming a Muslim, if you aren't already.

Despite the actions of some - who go against the teachings of Islam - Islam is a religion of peace; the word "islam" means "peace through submission to God." "Muslim" means "one who submits to God." Islam is the third of the three Abrahamic faiths, and it shares much with Judaism in Christianity; its differences are the acceptance of Muhammad as the last and final prophet, and the oneness of God - in other words, that Jesus, though he was a revered prophet, was not in fact God, and only one God exists. Apparently the Taliban could not read (though their name means "students"), because the Qur'an states that men and women are equal as believers, and that all believers should be educated and seek knowledge. Modesty in dress and behavior is required in Islam for both men and women to preserve the values of society and move the emphasis from superificial appearance to intelligence, knowledge, and God.



















Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with

Saturday, August 27, 2005

the 10 Tips to win the love of your husband

I got this from the E-mail, read it plz :)

Read Now the 10 Tips to win the love of your husband by

Muhammad AlShareef

1. Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful. All good things are from Allah.

Never forget to ask Allah ta'ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on - by the Mercy of Allah ta'ala - into Jannah.

2. Listen and Obey! Obeying your husband is Fard! Your husband is the Ameer of the household. Give him that right and respect..

3. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So .. please him..

4. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple 'I'm sorry' even if it is not your fault. When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, "Look, I'm sorry. Let's be friends.".

5. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then thank him again. This is one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire..

6. Joke and play games with your husband. A mans secret: they seek women who are lighthearted and have a sense of humor. As Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh..

7. Always wear jewelry and dress up in the house. From the early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and worn pretty dresses - as described in the Qur'an. As a wife, continue to use the jewelry that you have and the pretty dresses for your husband..

8. Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn and try to imitate them The Qur'an and Sunnah describe the women in Jannah with certain characteristics. Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes to 'enlarge' them, and sing to your husband..

9. When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting. Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom - what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him..

10. Use your 'Fitnah' to win the heart of your husband All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah - Azza wa Jal - has bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband..

Now back to me again :

What is that nonesense ???!!!! does they think that is what matters for the husbands ?

I don't say that all of them are wrong, some of them are right, but the most important things are totally missing!!

Where is the order to share life with him, to try to think how he think and what is important to him and try to give it a shot and make it what is important to you too !!!

Where is the order to share your life with him, to talk to him, discuss things with him, live with him!!!!

That is just a sample, the previous point is so important, a man seeks a friend first in home, if he can't find him, he seeks him on the cafe, and mostly he finds him and stop to care for home anymore

man is not in need for a beautiful furniture piece or a clown to make him laugh when he is upset, he needs someone to share life with him, with all the meaning of sharing life like in sweet and sour, in good and bad times to understand, listen and love him.

I love the stuff they say in the USA in the marriage when the priest talks to each of them and ask him a few questions that represent the soul of the real marriage, or say how it should be.

life is not that materialistic, it has other sides too, we have to take care that very little emotional and conceptual details are much more important than a southand materialistic thing in the relation between a married couple

Thursday, August 25, 2005


She turned off the siren of the ambulance while approaching the search point and moved slowly until she stopped the car in a long line

She is used to cross this search point all the time as violence always there, that is why she joined the red cresset anyway

Long rows of cars around her, no she won’t do her mission here, a lot of innocent civilians around her, she can’t do it here she thought

She crossed the point; she didn’t stay long as she used the professional card she had to cross.
She looked long to the card with the words written in bold font over it:

“Red cresset medical organization” just with her name, for the first time she noticed it didn’t include the religion or the country she works in!!

On a distance from the search point she stopped, she walked into the settlement trying not to draw much attention to her presence, it is hunting time then!

They were moving everywhere, with their kids, a kid waved to her, he looked so similar to her kid, and she left him with her blind grandmother

a cafe is a good target always, she moved to it while her mind is full of pictures, the ambulance, her friends, the flag, her self while trying to stop the blood of southands of the victims with no use, she tried hard to retrieve her kid’s image but all the time she saw that other kid in her mind waving for her and smiling!

She hit into that old man on front of the cafe, she threw the bomb inside the cafe and in a second it exploded…

With a lot of blood around her, screams and shouts, she wanted to go and help stop the bleeding but she couldn’t this time…

It was her own blood

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

To Master or not to Master

This is the question I can't reach an answer these days, should I go for post graduates or not?

I started recently to think of starting post graduates this year directly as I am still used for the nonsense of our beloved faculty -Engineering, communications- and already used on the stress of the exams and that stuff, also I work with one of the most important prof of the post graduates in Networks

just consider the following facts before you give me your opinion (I do need your opinion, need it badly)

  • I hate studying for long
  • I love networks and programming
  • I work in networks field with prof that teach in the post graduate
  • I work 8 hours 5 days per week
  • I love to live my life, this includes reading, writing, listening to music and other stuff
  • I have possible military service in the next febreuary (50% possible)
  • I have 7 days to decide or I will miss the chance to start this year
  • 2 of my friends already will start this year, another one may start the next year

writing these facts in points alone can be of great help :)

Now what do you think? can you help me ?


Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Then you look at me :)

Life and cry
Live and die
Life is a dream we are dreaming
Day by day
I find my way
Look for the soul
And the meaning

Then you look at me
And I always see
What I have been searching for

I am lost as can be
Then you look at me
And I am not lost anymore

Dynamic religion

I was hesitant to write about a religious subject, but after a while, I understood that this time it is not related to Islam only and not even to religion only, so I guess no problem to write in it

The classical dilemma between the religious people and scientific persons is the way the orders of god should be handled and the meaning of the religion

The religious persons came up with the rule: “if there is no text, no more searches should be made”!! This statement, while I partially agree with it, participated to delay our research actions for decades and pulled us back for hundreds of years

When I tell you “go to the bank” how many meanings could you have for this statement?
Here comes the rule of the context, if I tell you that and you want to deposit money, so it is actually an order to deposit the money, even if you don’t go yourself and send someone

If it comes in a Saturday then it doesn’t make any sense, and more likely to be like kidding with you.

Now, the orders of god are fixed, they don’t change all over the years and decades, it is not negociatable to say it changes, the question is, how do you understand it?

We are humans, which mean our understanding for something is always incomplete, by time things and events add up to our understating for each line.

I don’t want to talk for long, but in brief, what I do think is, all the time we should consider the religion orders and try to understand why What should we do And what is the best based on the current context not the previous context. Nothing is over consideration, as long as we consider it carefully studying the previous causes and taking into consideration the current situation, we can come with the best solutions and answers to the current time and move on in life.

No need to state that church and Islamic religious hard minded persons have held humanity from proceeding in life for long time with the name of god

In the last few days a big fight came about “al hegaab” or the hair cover for women, based on the previous context some came up with the idea that it is not required anymore, that is because they based it on the environment conditions (I strongly don’t agree with that) but I do agree with their way in research, they just need to understand more in the cause of it, the religious one and start thinking of it again

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Blogging Type

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate
You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.
You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.
You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!
A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.


Your generations is the worst, you are a silly generation, you have no real interests, you always blame the circumstances, you are irresponsible generation

Those are all crimes the previous generation throw in our faces all the time, no need here to state that they were in the same situation like us and were being blamed like us or even more.

First don’t misunderstand me , I don’t blame the previous generation because I didn’t live their time and I am just stating facts that makes me feel the future will be better and we should be optimistic.

We are not bad, actually I believe we are so good, our generation is much better from its previous, and I will justify why:

The previous generation, that one which received Egypt right after the war of 1973, what did he have?

He had better economical situations based on pure facts, no need to say that the simple governmental employee was able to live with his salary only and send all his children to schools until they graduate from university
more freedom: no matter what you think of the era of sadat, you can’t deny that the margin of freedom was much wider that time
Egypt was open to the whole world, the new strategies of the government was to allow every kind of building and investment in any field

Now let us judge what happened:

1. great deal of the previous generation solved his problems by traveling to the gulf and making money (that is not a crime)
2. when they returned to their mother lands either they worked to import goods or they saved their money in banks (great crime, it helped just to raise the prices and didn’t help to increase the production in any way)
3. they didn’t act to maintain freedom or develop it, they didn’t care for the political issues, and they even encouraged us (because they care for us of course) not to be part of the political life in Egypt, the result is we live in a country that we don’t know a thing about
4. in the last 30 years, the bribe became a very common thing, corruption is everywhere and somehow they are all responsible, if not by getting bribes then it is by paying it, if not then by shutting up when they see it

In the next post I will write the counter situation of our poor generation