Wednesday, November 07, 2012


I can't let go of my old heritage ... I carry my past wherever I go, whatever far or different, just doesn't matter.

I thought that going away would change things, but no, not a thing changed... me is me, my memories live around as if they were just yesterday...

back in Vienna, listening to the song that day, and the faces started to hunt me, like all my past is back reclaiming me again and again.

the following day was a concert, and this was even worse... never though I can be moved with classical music that much, all I know is that for the rest of this night I was so calm and so alone, I got totally displaced from the group and the moment, I was like in my own space, with my own memories and my own sadness ...

letting go seems harder than I ever though, today I remembered this:

" I don't want to get over her, I want to get her back!"

from the movie " 500 days of summer" ... although so close to me, but it seemed the dumpiest thing i ever heard/said!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

müde zu denken!

Ich mochte sie wirklich, und ich fühlte mich wirklich schlecht, dass sie fühlte sich nicht die gleiche

Ich denke nur, dass ich haben das Schicksal einen Freund von mir für mich erwartet

leben unglücklich und allein sterben

Habe ich verzweifeln? Ich weiß wirklich nicht, aber sicher relatiosn nicht wie Arbeit für mich an!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


Is it wrong that I am not fighting for this?

Ok, let me say things mainly to myself...

First, I have a huge problem of commitment, I already have fears of the future and of my always changing feelings and mind, yet that is not the reason I am not fighting for it, I was never of the kind that lets his fear of the future stops him from doing what he believes in

The problem is that I think if fear of the future or whatever that may be scaring her is the reason for her to backup, then it is not deep enough or real enough on her side, and so it wouldn't make any sense to even talk about it!

I can't change the minds of ppl or their hearts, even if I can, I wouldn't choose to do that! although some ppl think that this is a smart guys stuff to hunt a girl and get her, but sorry, I don't see it as a battle or a game, I see it as a life chance, something that must be really wanted by both sides

I have made my choice a very long time ago about this, thought sometimes I get misunderstood that I don't care enough but I made it clear between me and myself, my partner in life must want this as much as I want it, not a bit less

Random Thoughts and messages to nobody

I haven't been coming here so often lately, just like so many other things that i haven't been doing lately, and just like how i miss coming here i also miss my old me, so much that when i read back my posts here, i feel it is completely by somebody else, somebody i barely know from a very very long time

 Just recently I have been so much thinking about how ppl try to escape from their future, it just gets them stuck where they are afraid to lose what they have or afraid to get hurt some ppl think of change as a dangerous thing,

 i understand that it is scary, to leave the known and go for the unknown, to try something with a 50-50 chance of failure, to be afraid of getting hurt, but know what? I think we die from the inside if we don't change!

 if we don't move on and evolve Nothing stays the same and if you try to keep things as they are, you just end up dead inside, stuck and frozen in time and even that thing you tried to hold on to, will lose its taste after a while

 You can't deceive time, it is either you walk with it or it will grab you by our neck, so better go willingly and enjoy it I have been never afraid of change, and though i miss this person i was in the past, i also know i can't be back in history, he was there in the right time but back then, that was his time, not now

 Don't be scared of life, don't think much and plan much for the future, for all i know, we will not be the same person 1 year from now, and for all i know, we might not even like the same things we like now, so why should we even bother with the far feature! Just dropping some random thoughts here