Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Maged (t)= Maged(t-3)

For those who have background in comm systems, more specific for those who studied signals, they will understand the title of this post

Two days ago, I received the result indication that I was of the VERY UNLUCKY persons who will become officers in the army, this means spending 3 years of my life there.

Ok, away from the bluffing, I got depressed for about 48 hours, now I am feeling better, a little better not much

But honestly, I knew it far before they say it; I expected it, dreamed of it and knew it is happening

Now, when I see it coming true, I feel sad, for many reasons, one of them is related to how I tried to arrange my life and that I identified two paths, one of them away from Egypt, the other is inside Egypt, my family thought that I am stupid to decide to stay in Egypt

Now I don’t have much choice, and the only decision I could make is to leave right after the army period, that is just the first problem.

The second problem is that I felt guilty when I saw some guys that accepted this sad fact but while being sad, they kept thinking how to be useful for the country while they are in the army!!, I didn’t think that way when I knew, actually, it was like the sun suddenly went out!

Another reason is that my father all the time says it is all because of me because I didn’t want to apply for immigration as he advised me, sorry father, I still disagree but I will have to do that later!

Finally, I will not be allowed to write anymore on the net during my military service, minimum for the first 9 months and mostly for all the period of 27 months, this is bad but this is what I am supposed to do

Ok, everyone is keeping telling me that I should see the bright side, honestly I see a few but they are still of no measure compared to the loss of 3 years of my life, if you see something valuable enough to equal 3 days even of a persons life tell me

I know I look very depressed, which is not the case; I kind of passed this stage and already taking things as is and doing what I can to make things a little better

Yet those events made me think of things, many things I have dropped and many persons I have known in the past

3 comments:

LEMNA said...

Dear Free Soul,
This is how the life is:(
I have faced such things too and I really feel what u say, but the thing is at least in this situation u will feel good as u didnn do anything wrong and that is not ur fault...there are sometimes terrible cases that one might think maybe s/he has done sth wrong and this is like eating him/herself moment by moment inside...

free soul said...

Yes my friend, I know i didn't do anything wrong, i don't feel guilty, i feel shocked, may be also feel lost but I don't have guilt, I can say my previous year even was of my best and I really liked it, I believe I did my best in this year to be good to others

feeling problems like punshiment from god is a terrible feeling but it is not my feeling now

wondering said...

its a frustrating idea to think that 3 years of ur life will be lost but try to turn the situation in ur own interest,
you will have a chance to think everything in ur life over, know a variety of new people, experience hard situations that will broaden ur horizon and give u more power for the rest of ur life
besides u dont have to put ur life on halt
find different ways of developing new skills and keeping ur regular habits
after all everything has got a reason to happen so wait and see