Sharing in our lives has a different taste in each phase, and each phase has its unique kind of sharing.
0 – 12 years: sharing is with family, you share joy, sadness and events all with family 13 – 23 Years: sharing is mostly with friends, sharing with family still exist but this phase is for friends, without them sharing has no meaning and you would feel alone
24 – 34 Years: sharing is with your lover, sharing has its unique taste that without it everything seems incomplete, each single joy and each single experience seems missing an important element
35 - … : sharing is with family again, this time the family you created
sharing types overlap but in each phase, if you couldn't grab the phase type of sharing, and with all the ppl in the world around you and with all the sharing of the world you would still feel lonely
Yesterday I had a long break at work, I got out & started to hang out through smart village streets, the weather was sunny and great and I was totally alone there.
I remembered then it was the last day in the year, memories started to come and it was like the year harvest is being concluded…
I was like: “Man… this year sucks!!!”
Through 2008 I had my hardest time in the army, too many problems & so much pressure & I started again to smoke, by the mid of the year I started to collapse under the pressure of the army stuff and my night job… I could barely have time to think or sleep or eat… most of my meals were junk food and on a hurry to get back working.
In 2008 I had mixed emotions that I failed to understand & made my biggest mistake ever: I broke the heart of the nearest person to me!
Few months before the end of the year, I got laid off from work, I became jobless for the first time in my life, and things seemed unclear…
By the end of the year I got very sick, I kept taking medicine for 2 months and up to this moment I am still affected by this problem and still can’t live a normal life although pretending to do.
Trying to find another job wasn’t that pleasant, I lost my confidence in many persons when I started to realize they are not that good, they were playing dirty games with me and I was like “the idiot trusting person”, I even though of changing my career completely and was almost about to do it before I found my current job!
Very amazing year… huh? Full of wonderful stuff!!
Looking on the empty half of the cup? Let’s be honest, the cup was almost completely empty this year!!
But to be honest there was something through out this year that tells me I won’t fall down, In every trouble I had I was saved by something like a miracle, in the right time something happens to save me and get me out of some trouble and I was like: “I must be really lucky”
But I understand it wasn’t about luck at all, it is all about god, support from god got me out of horrible troubles in the army and through many other problems, it was like god sending me a message not to despair, to hang in there and keep fighting.
I am happy 2008 ended, took with it lots of memories that I will remember and will hate to do that, will always feel sorry and regret for many mistakes, but I must look forward to the new year now, I still have a whole new year to correct my mistakes in I guess
There is always a price for the truth, the truth seems the most costy thing in life , at least on the short range...
Believe me, to be ready to pay the price of the truth today is much better than living a lie and going on with it, your lie will grow with time, and so the cost until you come to the point were you can't pay the price alone, also those whom you love will have to pay the price, the price of your weakness and being a cowered, will you then be able to forgive your self?
Some truth hurts on the short range but it is a relief on the long range, some lie brings false happiness on the short range but brings disaster on the long range, it is a trade and you decide , almost all your life you have to decide
Let me Welcome here the newest and youngest member in the crazy "El shafie" family !!
Little "Miar" has joined the club, still so calm and seems not really understanding what is going on around her, will know soon how qualified-crazy- she is to be part of the family :)
I am back to my cave, for the current things and changes running, I think I could use sometime being with me, if only I could find it free to stay with
it was a new idea and i love new ideas, telling the truth, i might do something that seems wrong, feels wrong, tastes wrong just because it is new
the last time i couldn't join but this time i had nothing in my mind so i decided it is time to come to this gathering as a change, for those who know me i am not a very social person, you can rarely see me in the light of the day in the normal cases !!
ok, I really liked the group, we didn't start talking in big talks or stuff like that rather we were talking about our selves, which is more human and more attractive in a gathering of this kind, but behind that talk i couldn't but notice that every one in this place had a different thing, in the mind, the soul, they were all if not open to ideas, at least not closed which is something between accepting and rejecting, i can't describe that well i guess
i can't describe the persons well because i hardly know them, just my introducer and the rest were totally brand new to me, i even didn't know any names, later on i met someone i know from blogsphere and someone else was supposed to come but he didn't show up
finally, knowing that i didn't look alright, this was for two reasons that i didn't tell the group not to spoil the day for them, the first was related to me being sick from over two days, high temp and a horrible pain in my head, they were talking about similar ppl that gets addicted to pain killers, i didn't tell them that i am almost one of those :)
the other thing was related to my car which increased my worries, as soon as i parked it under the building, it just stopped responding and i had great doubts that it will take me to work afterwards, this was translated into reality when i came down and it wouldn't move and i had to get a tech to check it just to tell me that a stupid electrical wire was d/c and that is all!!
ok , on the overall i had great fun and pleasure and i really wanted to stay longer, i was like reminding my self every 5 mins that i got to go to work now, so i finally took my self to my car and ran away
Today my car had its first accident, although it was a minor accident and had no effect on my car but i was really upset because I got it few weeks ago and I care a lot for my stuff
But what surprised me how the other driver was so scared of me!! I was mad but I am a peaceful man, I don't look like a red deamon when I am angry I mean, and at that point I figured out why he was scared!!
I was in the military uniform.. ppl have high sensitivity from military persons , and I didn't like that, although I know that ppl are more comfortable with armed forces from their freelings with the police but I didn't like to be scared off because of my suit , this wasn't for my pride at all
Ok, the accident left a small scar on my car that will live for a while now i guess :(
3 days ago I got up from my afternoon asleep with a strange idea, in few minutes i got my bag and my stuff and left for Alex
when I arrived to the station, it was just 5 mints before the train moves so it was few seconds after i reached then i was on my way
I didn't invite anyone with me, didn't call anyone BEFORE I go, i delayed that to call my friends from the train telling them that i will spend sometimes alone in alex
in Alex, I met one of my very dear friends that I haven't seen from quite a while, we spent sometime together but the rest of the time was spent by me alone , which was something I really needed a lot
setting by the rocks in the middle of the sea, away from everything that might ever be called a "shore" , away from humans from any kind I could have peace with my entity, I could reorder the small pieces of me and try to see a different Pict for them
48 hours and I took my last tour taking the good bye photo shown here, with the promise of many returns for such a fool action.
P.S: I went and returned using the same train and same carriage and even same seat number, all by chance because I never book my tickets on advance, weired , isn't it?
Very long time ago, something like 2 years ago, and all by a coincidence I was discovering the features of Blogspot service, I pressed the next button after my blog to go randomly to another blog and it was hers’
From the first moment I read the few texts that were there on her blog at that time I felt comfortable with it, I felt like this buddy could say things I always wanted to say
2 whole years passed, during them I visited her blog times and times and somehow I started to believe that my visits to her blog sometimes reveals things about me that I didn’t know before, in many cases small words she wrote could help me change my point of view for some important decisions, even if she never knew about that
it was the first friend blog I meet , for sure I met many others and liked many others but to say the truth, this blog meant to me a different thing, it had a taste thing like a voice in me, a voice that says the truth that I sometimes can’t say or can’t face
wisdom is not something you learn from books, it is something you learn from ppl like her and somehow I got to learn more from this friend, our similarities are much even if we don’t share language or home country, yet it seems that souls are shaped regardless sometimes of any conditions
it started long ago when I found out that i can't feel the pain, i don't mean feelings pain, I do mean physical pain, getting hurt and cut in my body couldn't be sensed !! years passed and I got used to discover wounds in my body by chance after they bleed for long without me feeling a thing!!
few days ago i felt something in my leg, i checked to find a deep hole in my leg, i don't know how it did happen but it seems that something went through my leg and came out again from the same entry leaving a deep and a little wide hole
it reminded me of a similar thing when i got up to find out that i had a cut in my leg of about 8 cm long , blood all over my clothes and not knowing how it happened
losing the feeling of pain may be something simple compared to losing the feel of happiness, since a while i lost the sense of happiness, the things that used to make me happy can't thrill me any more, it seems that i forgot how to be happy too
late at night i was leaving the university, for a second i felt like someone is following me with his eyes, i thought this was because i was wearing the military suit which is somehow strange sight
I took the first bus, selected a chair with the a broken chair beside it, i was seeking privacy to listen to music and read on the way home
some guy came and left all the other chairs and sat beside me.. a few moments passed before he started speaking:
"you were with us in communications dept, right?" "Yes, i am still with you !!" a big question mark was in my eyes!!
"you were teaching us C++ in the labs, in the first year"
here i started to understand.. for about 20 mins we kept speaking about univ, work and stuff, he brought back the memories of my golden age when i was teaching in the univ
when he left i was happy for two reasons, this memory could bring some joy and some hope in my heart, and i was pleased that someone still have good memories about me and still remember me somehow!!
it is only memories that tells us we lived once, it is only memories that is left at the end
Trying to evaluate my past year was a very hard task, if I let my self go with my emotions
I would give a black judgment on the year
After another deep look I understand that it wasn’t my best year, yes for sure, but it was a very important year of my life, a friend of mine sent me a site taking about year cycles and relating it to the date of birth and something like that, although I don’t believe in that stuff yet I spent time reading what the site estimated about my 2006 and what it predicted about 2007
Somehow what I read triggered something in me, in 2006 I had a disease that I suffered a lot from, a disease in my soul, not in my body
The hardest disease is the one your soul loves and wishes to keep, it is now a real fight with your own soul to help it while it lies accepting its problem and unwilling to fight against it, it was a hard time and a zillion times I felt like no way .
But at someday I woke up and it was gone, my fierce fighting was over and it was gone, I know it left scars all over my soul yet what matters is that it is gone now
For days I felt it like a hand catching my soul, squeezing it hard and cold, it prevented me from opening my heart for others, from telling them what I feel or feeling what they tell
In 2006 I had many changes, many rises and many falls but between them what affected me is what I tell you know; it is the soul that matters at the end.
Do you want to know what the site told me?
It told me that 2006 witnessed lots of endings and major changes, and a new startup, it told me that during 2006 I had the deepest hard feelings but I have to let all go now, or that is what happened in 2006, telling that 2007 would witness a new rise and a brand new life, I hope they are right then!!
The last three days of Ramadan in Alex, this was a great time actually
I needed this time, I really needed this time as a real refreshment of my soul, and it has been sooooo long since I last went to any place by the sea, whole 4 years
My flat there, I almost forgot how it look like, I arrived late on Saturday and returned on Tuesday early morning
You may notice that I returned the first day of the feast, I meant that because I hate noise and crowds so I picked the days I know that Alex will never be crowded in and I was right, it was great without crowds, quiet and beautiful
Sitting by the sea, listening to music and watching the black sea without any light but small lights from the far far boats, the sound of the wind around
I had a great time yet I wanted to be with myself more, some stuff needed me to clear my mind to think of and I had my friends with me so although I got great pleasure there yet I wanted to devote some more time to be with myself, the true one that I need to talk to now before taking some important decisions
I think I will go there again soon, some stuff has to be finished, big stuff that will shape my future for ever
