Saturday, December 29, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
it was a new idea and i love new ideas, telling the truth, i might do something that seems wrong, feels wrong, tastes wrong just because it is new
the last time i couldn't join but this time i had nothing in my mind so i decided it is time to come to this gathering as a change, for those who know me i am not a very social person, you can rarely see me in the light of the day in the normal cases !!
ok, I really liked the group, we didn't start talking in big talks or stuff like that rather we were talking about our selves, which is more human and more attractive in a gathering of this kind, but behind that talk i couldn't but notice that every one in this place had a different thing, in the mind, the soul, they were all if not open to ideas, at least not closed which is something between accepting and rejecting, i can't describe that well i guess
i can't describe the persons well because i hardly know them, just my introducer and the rest were totally brand new to me, i even didn't know any names, later on i met someone i know from blogsphere and someone else was supposed to come but he didn't show up
finally, knowing that i didn't look alright, this was for two reasons that i didn't tell the group not to spoil the day for them, the first was related to me being sick from over two days, high temp and a horrible pain in my head, they were talking about similar ppl that gets addicted to pain killers, i didn't tell them that i am almost one of those :)
the other thing was related to my car which increased my worries, as soon as i parked it under the building, it just stopped responding and i had great doubts that it will take me to work afterwards, this was translated into reality when i came down and it wouldn't move and i had to get a tech to check it just to tell me that a stupid electrical wire was d/c and that is all!!
ok , on the overall i had great fun and pleasure and i really wanted to stay longer, i was like reminding my self every 5 mins that i got to go to work now, so i finally took my self to my car and ran away
Monday, October 15, 2007
2 years go i read a mail on my college group , it was speakiung about nmormal & upnormal ppl, the mail was making fun of the traditinal ppl who live and die in a traditional way.
Triggered by the amil to think about the issue i looked to the other side of the story ; who is the happy one, or say, who is the lucky between them ??
yesterday we had a big discussion that lasted for several hours , it was like the following points:
who is the ordinary and the extraordinary man ? Is it related to achievements?
Achievements were never a good measure , lots of ppl have abilities that never find its chance...
I think then a good definition would sound like : a person with upnormal gifts & abilities and the most important with the abilitiy to take hard decisions.
This upnormal person has always greater awareness than other normal ppl , his direct interest cycle is larger and exceeds his personal interests
a man with wider interests has wider and bigger problems, he has more troubles than others and certainly then, more pain!!
at this point i was satisfied that the lucky one is the ordinary one, he lives a normal life matching his abilities , not reguired to make a difference & he is satisfied with what he got, he is like a water drop in the river, it never tries to swin the other way and it is not required to do so , when she gets tired, it will be pulled norally by the flow to the right direction..
we can say then : less awareness, less care, less pain and finally more happiness!!
i thought that being happy is a selfish demand but don't we deserve to go selfish sometimes??
but a friend gave me a different look on the crisis:
why don't those small problems represent as heavy lood for the normal person as the huge problems do for the upnormal person ? I mean related to his limited gifts those small problems could fill his life and represent the same worries as for the upnormal man!! ??
isn't it also related to his abilities and qualifications ??
i really don't have a direct answer for this question, but i noticed something:
as much awareness as higher the rates of suicide and depression goes, compare between countries and cities and between individuals and you will see what i mean !!
now, doesn't this support my original idea??
the final point was about choice:
i guess we really don't have the choice, the normal man can't live upnormally because it is beyond his abilities, also the upnormal man can't go selfish and live a normal life for himself only, his idle abilities won't let him do it, he can't taste the happiness immetating to be someone else, simply, he has to be the one he is !!
back to the original question i really wonder, is it really a gift to be different or is it a duty, who is the really gifted one in this life then ??
once a person told an upnormal person “ son, you are different, you will live unhappy and die alone!!! “
Monday, October 08, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
so a crazy idea came to our minds and we took the cars, and drove directly to it
someone on the nile of maadi, I stopped the car and we went to the nearest shop,
we got the pepsi and stuff and headed to a small boats port on the nile
there we met “3aaam hassan”, the old “marakby” -sailor- from aswan
we picked an old wind boat.. a one called “el hoot”, it was like part of history
with its old flags ...
we went deep in the nile, with the wind getting stronger..
the man thought we are of the traditional kind so he tried to put some songs on,
we stopped him, we appreciate silence and peace in this wonderful weather,
with the black sky, black waves of water and the spots of lights from both sides
I lied on the top of the boat on my back, watching the sky and breathing..
not thinking of anything, work, army, my past wounds or my current wounds..
i could for a while get out of all this and have my self some real peace..
like the silence and calm around me could somehow get inside me
I believe this effect wouldn't be if it was a big engine boat,
or if there was any kind of music in the background,
i guess silence is the masterpiece of all music
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
But what surprised me how the other driver was so scared of me!! I was mad but I am a peaceful man, I don't look like a red deamon when I am angry I mean, and at that point I figured out why he was scared!!
I was in the military uniform.. ppl have high sensitivity from military persons , and I didn't like that, although I know that ppl are more comfortable with armed forces from their freelings with the police but I didn't like to be scared off because of my suit , this wasn't for my pride at all
Ok, the accident left a small scar on my car that will live for a while now i guess :(
Saturday, June 09, 2007
I was discussing with one of my pessimistic friends about creating a group to gather us and speak about our different ideas, all in a pessimsitic frame, what do you think guys?
I believe if we grow in number we can get a good deal with a hit man to take over our mission and finish our bad luck, side benefits from the group :)
Friday, June 01, 2007
can we dedicate a little portion of our future to review our past so that we might, i say we might learn something that may be of great importance one day ?
can we dedicate some small part of our busy lives for those who lost their lives not even knowing why and how ? can we?
can we forget our differences a little, christian, muslim, shiie, liberal, ekhwan or whatever and remember that bullets never looked for a name or religion?
can we ? simple test it is but will be do it?
BBC news on the 5th of june
Friday, May 04, 2007
3 days ago I got up from my afternoon asleep with a strange idea, in few minutes i got my bag and my stuff and left for Alex
when I arrived to the station, it was just 5 mints before the train moves so it was few seconds after i reached then i was on my way
I didn't invite anyone with me, didn't call anyone BEFORE I go, i delayed that to call my friends from the train telling them that i will spend sometimes alone in alex
in Alex, I met one of my very dear friends that I haven't seen from quite a while, we spent sometime together but the rest of the time was spent by me alone , which was something I really needed a lot
setting by the rocks in the middle of the sea, away from everything that might ever be called a "shore" , away from humans from any kind I could have peace with my entity, I could reorder the small pieces of me and try to see a different Pict for them
48 hours and I took my last tour taking the good bye photo shown here, with the promise of many returns for such a fool action.
P.S: I went and returned using the same train and same carriage and even same seat number, all by chance because I never book my tickets on advance, weired , isn't it?
Friday, April 27, 2007
on the other hand we must admit that most of great findings were somehow found by chance, or at least before they come to the light there was no real basis for them before a genuis mind could reveal them
this is what is known as horizontal thinking, it is the way in which you are not tied to the well known basis of some matter, your mind is open to start from any brand new start, make a revolution at any time on the current theories and make up your own, even if it looks and tastes wrong, you start testing it and if it works , yooha, if not then you learn at least from the experience
they said before the invention of the radio that it won't go far a way, they were basing this on real strong basis that radio waves move in direct lines, but testing succeeded, why ?
simple because they didn't know -and the one who made the test didn't know either- that some parts of earth air can reflect certain radio frequencies!!
horizontal thinking is like digging in the desert,. when you have difficulty in one hole you just desert it and make a brand new start in another location, while vertical thinking insist on being committed to the well defined basis and try to make the hole deeper and deeper
From a book by Edward De Bono
Friday, April 20, 2007
The poor man and his daughter were in trouble, the old man then suggested that god could give them the answer, he suggested to pick two small rocks, one black and the other one is white, put them in a bag
The girl then will be asked to pick one of the two rocks, the white one means she is free of the marriage and her father free of his debt, the black one frees her father from the debt yet she has then to marry the old man
When they came to the selected place, the old man picked two rocks and put them in the bag, the poor miserable girl noticed that he picked TWO BLACK rocks, if she refuses to pick one he will send her father to prison, she can’t either uncover that he is cheating because she can’t guarantee his response
If you where in her place, what would you do ?
P.S : If you know the story don’t answer it, just use your mind if you don’t know it, traditional ways mostly won’t lead to a good answer
Try not to be cough cheating from the old man or else, you will have to marry the old man :D
It is simple, but a little tricky
Monday, April 09, 2007
Very long time ago, something like 2 years ago, and all by a coincidence I was discovering the features of Blogspot service, I pressed the next button after my blog to go randomly to another blog and it was hers’
From the first moment I read the few texts that were there on her blog at that time I felt comfortable with it, I felt like this buddy could say things I always wanted to say
2 whole years passed, during them I visited her blog times and times and somehow I started to believe that my visits to her blog sometimes reveals things about me that I didn’t know before, in many cases small words she wrote could help me change my point of view for some important decisions, even if she never knew about that
it was the first friend blog I meet , for sure I met many others and liked many others but to say the truth, this blog meant to me a different thing, it had a taste thing like a voice in me, a voice that says the truth that I sometimes can’t say or can’t face
wisdom is not something you learn from books, it is something you learn from ppl like her and somehow I got to learn more from this friend, our similarities are much even if we don’t share language or home country, yet it seems that souls are shaped regardless sometimes of any conditions
this friend is Lemna …
Thursday, April 05, 2007
few days ago i felt something in my leg, i checked to find a deep hole in my leg, i don't know how it did happen but it seems that something went through my leg and came out again from the same entry leaving a deep and a little wide hole
it reminded me of a similar thing when i got up to find out that i had a cut in my leg of about 8 cm long , blood all over my clothes and not knowing how it happened
losing the feeling of pain may be something simple compared to losing the feel of happiness, since a while i lost the sense of happiness, the things that used to make me happy can't thrill me any more, it seems that i forgot how to be happy too
Thursday, March 22, 2007
23, a little younger than me, away from home and friends
Made of those people her family, her new friends, lived like them, ate their food and slept in their homes
Played with their kids, suffered their sufferings and had even their own nightmares
She said once in one of her letters to her mothers that she was having nightmares of bulldozers and tanks out of her own house… to that much she shared their feelings, she shared them their destiny
The smile on her face, the simple look in her eyes, you can see her transparent soul through her smiling eyes, with her weak body she stands full of trust and faith against evil, against terror and hate
Rachel stood against the bulldozers and tanks.. They moved but she stood still, afraid but strong, weak but confident
She stood still while they moved closer and closer, the shouts of her friends and companions didn’t prevent them from doing their crime
Rachel Corrie’s body was crushed by the bulldozer of the IDF in
Dying in hospital between Palestinians, away from her home and family between those who she has chosen to share destiny with
Thursday, February 22, 2007
I took the first bus, selected a chair with the a broken chair beside it, i was seeking privacy to listen to music and read on the way home
some guy came and left all the other chairs and sat beside me.. a few moments passed before he started speaking:
"you were with us in communications dept, right?"
"Yes, i am still with you !!" a big question mark was in my eyes!!
"you were teaching us C++ in the labs, in the first year"
here i started to understand.. for about 20 mins we kept speaking about univ, work and stuff, he brought back the memories of my golden age when i was teaching in the univ
when he left i was happy for two reasons, this memory could bring some joy and some hope in my heart, and i was pleased that someone still have good memories about me and still remember me somehow!!
it is only memories that tells us we lived once, it is only memories that is left at the end
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I though a lot before starting to write this…
Trying to evaluate my past year was a very hard task, if I let my self go with my emotions
I would give a black judgment on the year
After another deep look I understand that it wasn’t my best year, yes for sure, but it was a very important year of my life, a friend of mine sent me a site taking about year cycles and relating it to the date of birth and something like that, although I don’t believe in that stuff yet I spent time reading what the site estimated about my 2006 and what it predicted about 2007
Somehow what I read triggered something in me, in 2006 I had a disease that I suffered a lot from, a disease in my soul, not in my body
The hardest disease is the one your soul loves and wishes to keep, it is now a real fight with your own soul to help it while it lies accepting its problem and unwilling to fight against it, it was a hard time and a zillion times I felt like no way .
But at someday I woke up and it was gone, my fierce fighting was over and it was gone, I know it left scars all over my soul yet what matters is that it is gone now
For days I felt it like a hand catching my soul, squeezing it hard and cold, it prevented me from opening my heart for others, from telling them what I feel or feeling what they tell
In 2006 I had many changes, many rises and many falls but between them what affected me is what I tell you know; it is the soul that matters at the end.
Do you want to know what the site told me?
It told me that 2006 witnessed lots of endings and major changes, and a new startup, it told me that during 2006 I had the deepest hard feelings but I have to let all go now, or that is what happened in 2006, telling that 2007 would witness a new rise and a brand new life, I hope they are right then!!