Silence

Silence is the thing and the everything!!

Is silence is the absence of sound? Can’t you feel that it has its own separate identity? Can’t silence be noticed sometimes in the presence of sounds, both in the same place facing each other, each with its own identity?

How can you feel silence? It is heaven for two lovers looking into each other eyes; it is hell for one of them only, is it the same silence?

It is peace for a satisfied soul, a torture for a blamed soul; it is the start of talk or the end of it

It is the thing before life, was there something that can produce sound before life? Then what came first sound or silence? If silence came first then we should say that sound is the absence of silence!!

Is silence calm? How can you say that when you have silence but have a thousand ideas in your head like voices talking only in your head?

It is the most virgin thing; any small voice will corrupt it and destroy its soul, its heart

What is silence? I can’t think yet I can feel, I can’t understand yet I can reach, I can’t know yet I can recognize

When the silence becomes painful!!

Yesterday I was in a wedding, I spent small time there and came very late

What I noticed was a strange thing, when the music suddenly stopped at the end of the wedding we all had something like pain in our ears!! I saw it in the faces of the people around me and I felt it, the silence was painful after long period of loud noise

My family:

As this blog is like my home, I though of introducing you to the odd group of my family, it is odd because its members are of no way like each other, each member in this family has his own story but as an overall, they meet at some points as you will see, let’s start from the beginning

My father: my father is a very old man, he is 68 years old, very old fashioned man in some stuff and very modern in others, this means he is a man who accepts changes in time, but careful, that is not the fact all the time!!

My father was raised by the rules of the dictator father, this means no way for discussion with other family members, and they say my grandfather was even stricter that all his children were all the time afraid of him

My father is a very nice kind man, he loves us much yet he can’t change his way, his ideas must take place and that sometimes cause us problems but we all do our best to satisfy him

I must note that my father’s life wasn’t as good and stable as you may think, he is a very experienced man, he volunteered for the army affected by the atmosphere at that time, returned after 1956 war to the university to complete his studies, married twice, he is very much interested in politics too, unfortunately, he doesn’t like fairoz

My mother is a very much housewife, she is very simple and never busy her mind with big things, she is satisfied with her work because she have a tiring position in the ministry of education-that used to cause me troubles when I was young because teachers never treated me normally!!-, with my mother I can speak for long about my feelings, my mother is very near to my heart, while my father share the same interests with me that we are used to steal books from each other J

My oldest sister is married, nothing to say a lot, she has that strong personality and mind of the family, she is a little cruel with her little children, the little angels, or may I be too kind!!??

The second is my oldest brother, he is the ex-football player, he got injured long ago, he stopped playing football, it is hard to start building life from scratch so he made a company, a moderate one and he is married too, has a very young angel, she still can’t call me “3ammo”

My next brother is the politician of the family, the philosopher in it too, he formed the majority of our library, he left to Canada more than 7 years ago, and he works in programming with java and has his own small company in Toronto now

My brother was part of many organizations when he was young, one of his advantages is his independence in his decisions, he never waits for the permission and move to the action directly, that is how he left the house twice the first to Sinai to work with an international organization there and the second to Canada

The next brother is our writer, he is a very good writer yet life don’t support writers a lot, he works now as accountant in Saudi Arabia

My brother used to write very good plays and novels, comic style was his best, his disadvantage is not aiming a lot in that side, he didn’t give it enough tries even after he got his first chance to write in a newspaper, he didn’t care a lot for it and soon he returned to write only for himself (and us of courseJ)

My last sister is the artist of the family; she is a painter, a very good one by the way!
I must admit that I am a very bad painter and panting is the whole world of my sis, that is why we are not talking much, she can’t think of another topic I guess!

I must say that the best within my family is the amount of freedom they gave us in our lives, although father believe in the one decision rule, he believes in completely separate personal life for each person, that is why he encouraged each of us to compete in his side and be the best, my father supported the decision of my sister to join faculty of applied arts, supported my decision to concentrate in computer programming long ago, supported my brother to concentrate on football

As a family we all share some stuff, we all have very wild imagination, we all used to write at some stage, we all have that independence and freedom and hate questions or orders

That is my family, I can’t say it is the best family but I really appreciate being part of it

Our great library

Two days ago, I picked up a philosophy book, philosophy is a subject I never read about but it got my interest a lot from the first few pages of this book, it is a real amazing one

It made me go to our great library at home and start searching for more sources, this library was collected by my brother, my other brother, my sis and finally me, for a very long time I used to buy my own books and use my own sector privately, later I started to borrow all the books I need from any library I get access to and stopped buying books at all ;)

Ok, I stepped inside for the first time after long years, during those years I used to make quick visits all the time to pick novels but never got the chance to try to investigate the books inside

The result was incredible; the library was full of books we bought from more than 15 years!! I found books that I bough from the book fair when I was about 8!! They were two English books, one about age of the kings, a historical one, and the other is scientific

What is important is the amount of books I found in almost everything; I could finally divide the library into the following sections

1- politics: about 40 books

2- philosophy: about 60 books

3- logic: about 10 books

4- history: about 40 books

5- Languages: 12 books including two books for hieroglyphics!! One of them in Arabic! When I was young, I used the English one to learn my first few words and statements in hieroglyphics and in a while I was able to read simple text, unfortunately I don’t remember any of that now :(

6- religion: about 70 or more books, talking about different religions but mainly Islam and Islamic history

7- Novels: mostly for Russian writers, this is my brother’s stuff; I used to read novels in the library and wasn’t used to buy them ;)

8- Computer: 30 books of computer related stuff, programming languages; I found wonderful java books inside, java books from more than 8 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9- A complete series of books in Arabic that used to select a writer and a topic in each time, I grouped them together although they don’t have the same common topic but I wanted to complete group to be together, about 30 one they were

10- Other: scientific books and some strange topics books :)


All those books are the new stuff only that I never got the chance to read, I didn’t touch my sector of the library or my other brother’s sector because I already read most of them, it took me more than 4 hours to classify the books, arrange them back and extract 11 books that I found really interesting, I put them on the desk beside my bed, I guess I will be having very busy time ;)

By the way, Socrates say hello to all of you :D

Personal

Burning from the inside, from the deep end of my mind, sensitive to an annoying limit

It is very easy to hurt me, it is very easy to fix me back, I can never forget but I can easily forgive

My worst nightmare is to hurt someone by mistake, did I do that? Several times I think!!

I hate lies, I love confidence and I am still wandering for it yet everything seem like a lie

Seek the truth; find tiredness and end of road without a clue

Have many friends, very few of them know me really because I don’t talk a lot, I prefer to shut up, it is much wiser from saying something that may make others sad

Year 2005… Late like usual

Late like usual, here I write about that year, and oh boy it was a real busy year, busy and unique

Unlike others, I will be really selfish here, I will write about this year from my own side only

Important events I had in 2005:

1- I had a car accident, a car hit me and I was about to die, this was in April and helped me change as I think
2- I had a two weeks campaign of reconsidering my life, this was really important because it changed my thoughts a lot
3- I got back to community, it means I didn’t get satisfied by pushing inside my thoughts, for the first time I both said them loudly and wrote them(first time after 5 years shut up)
4- My old diary got out to the world, in this year I published parts of it online here, old things written more than 6 or 7 years ago, but never been read before
5- I started to write stories again, this time short stories mostly in English, I got few of them to be discussed on the radio and people liked them
6- This is a place holder for an event that I will keep for myself, but it is of the most important events ;)
7- My brother came back after 4 years away in Canada, we spent about a month together and it was a good time because no one understands me like my brother
8- I started blogging, thank you all for keeping me in, that was at 31/3/2005 (remember this time because it is important)
9- I knew my military service, it was a hard time
10- I finished university and applied for masters in networks
11- I started working in SysDSoft, I work as a design engineer designing communication software there
12- My grandmother died and I really was sad, she was the last of the old people I really loved much
13- I got to know many friends, one of them is really close to me now and helped me a lot to pass by many hard times, I want to send her a very big thank you note after this hard time, so plz wish with me that she will do fine in the exams J
14- I returned to political life again, this time by reading, writing and documenting things, I am not young enough for demonstrations :D
15- I taught in the university for the last time, they say I was very good and very honest this year, I was so happy at the end of the year that more than 100 students attended my last section that I had to reserve another place to take them, I was happy to meet them later at work and know they didn’t hate me and have good memories for me
16- I participated in the elections, not by voting but by watching, I have no voter ID yet


Summing all the previous, I think the previous year of 2005 was the most effective in my life and personality up to now after early childhood days, I think changes are for the good

My wishes for 2006:

1- I learn more discipline, freedom has nothing against a little discipline
2- I get to meet some old friends, I really miss them all
3- I pass my exams, this is important as with military, all what will be left for me is my masters
4- Have peace with my heart, my heart is in trouble all the time, angry and anxious, I hope it can come a little calm
5- Get more near to god, I know I am not a bad guy but there are things I want to do, things I want to read and search in but never have the time, I hope I can do that this year
6- I wish I can watch the stars again from my balcony with the same feelings as the old 9 years kid!
7- This one is reserved for you, make a good wish for me plz ;)

Ariel Sharon… on the verge of death

Ariel Sharon is on the verge of death, we all know that as news say he got a brain stroke, brain bleeding twice and two hard surgeries up to now, they say he lost control on some of his limbs too, they don’t know if he will be able to act normally again or not

The point here is that I am really sad for him!!! Before you start accusing me, consider these facts first:

1- I respect this man as a warrior who served his country since he was 18, he was involved in every single war for his country, got hurt twice, lead the famous attack behind the Egyptian lines on his own responsibility against all the rules to save the Israeli situation, as a sum, he is an enemy that we must respect as loyal to his country
2- We must understand that the crimes he made are part of Jewish heritage, that means all other Jewish loyal members will do the same like him, we mustn’t be so optimistic that some other person will take control because when it comes to a clash with them, he will prove that he is like Sharon or worse
3- Sharon tested war and know how does it feel to see his own soldiers being killed, he know how does it feel to be hurt and about to fall in enemy hands as he was about to fall in Egyptian hands in 1948 and he was hurt with two bullets, he knows how awful war is and he is so careful not to start another war
4- As a surprise, you must know that Sharon was the man who solved the problems between Egypt and Israel more than 25 years ago when he convinced Menahem Begen to leave Sinai and destroy the settlements, no other man could do it because Sharon was famous of defending Jewish settlements all over Israel
5- I don’t see much leaders in Israel side willing to negotiate with Arabs or do any change, I believe it was possible to work with Sharon for a limit, I know the limit doesn’t satisfy the Arabs but we will know soon that other Jewish leaders will not give us that limit either

I am not crying for him, but I respect those very critical moments even if I know how many crimes he made