They tell me that I should let go, forget and leave the denial ...
They face me with eyes full of sympathy and pitty! they speak with full confidence that who is dead is dead, never come back to life and what is left is my own life...
But they don't understand and they will never do, they will never understand that denial is all the life that is left for me, that even dead for them she is not for me, not inside me.
They don't and will never understand and see it as I see, that accepting and letting go is betrayal for all what we had, no not just betrayal, it is something different that nobody can understand! she lives inside me and the moment I let go is the moment I let her die again ! kill her twice once with my stupidity and once with my selfishness caring and running for a life that has no room for me anymore !
I may know that it is denial that I live in, but honestly I don't care for what they believe true anymore, what is true for sure as I know it is that if I let go of this "denial" it will be letting go of life its self.
Not just for me! for both of us ...
They face me with eyes full of sympathy and pitty! they speak with full confidence that who is dead is dead, never come back to life and what is left is my own life...
But they don't understand and they will never do, they will never understand that denial is all the life that is left for me, that even dead for them she is not for me, not inside me.
They don't and will never understand and see it as I see, that accepting and letting go is betrayal for all what we had, no not just betrayal, it is something different that nobody can understand! she lives inside me and the moment I let go is the moment I let her die again ! kill her twice once with my stupidity and once with my selfishness caring and running for a life that has no room for me anymore !
I may know that it is denial that I live in, but honestly I don't care for what they believe true anymore, what is true for sure as I know it is that if I let go of this "denial" it will be letting go of life its self.
Not just for me! for both of us ...
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