In 2007

Lately I was in one of my deepest depressions, I thought with the start of a new year to think about where I am now and where I have been, may be this could change my mood and make me understand how much gifted I am and how much better from many others in similar situations

those were my gift and with lists in 2007, the order is not significant at all, it is just the order of writing them down on papers and have no importance

Wish list:

1- get a job

2- finish my masters

3- get a car

4- get a new laptop

5- love

6- make new friends

7- return to cairo

8- travel with friends to some place nice

9- leave the army

10- get cured from something personal

gift list:

1-got new friends [thanks you guys :) ]

2-got a car

3- got a new great job that i really love with ppl that i really love and respect

4-returned to cairo and spent all the year there

5- travelled with friends twice

6- feel like totally cured from that thing that was in my heart and my soul

7-found mind & soul matches [a rare thing these days]

The cave

I am back to my cave, for the current things and changes running, I think I could use sometime being with me, if only I could find it free to stay with

Gathering

it was a new idea and i love new ideas, telling the truth, i might do something that seems wrong, feels wrong, tastes wrong just because it is new

the last time i couldn't join but this time i had nothing in my mind so i decided it is time to come to this gathering as a change, for those who know me i am not a very social person, you can rarely see me in the light of the day in the normal cases !!

ok, I really liked the group, we didn't start talking in big talks or stuff like that rather we were talking about our selves, which is more human and more attractive in a gathering of this kind, but behind that talk i couldn't but notice that every one in this place had a different thing, in the mind, the soul, they were all if not open to ideas, at least not closed which is something between accepting and rejecting, i can't describe that well i guess

i can't describe the persons well because i hardly know them, just my introducer and the rest were totally brand new to me, i even didn't know any names, later on i met someone i know from blogsphere and someone else was supposed to come but he didn't show up

finally, knowing that i didn't look alright, this was for two reasons that i didn't tell the group not to spoil the day for them, the first was related to me being sick from over two days, high temp and a horrible pain in my head, they were talking about similar ppl that gets addicted to pain killers, i didn't tell them that i am almost one of those :)

the other thing was related to my car which increased my worries, as soon as i parked it under the building, it just stopped responding and i had great doubts that it will take me to work afterwards, this was translated into reality when i came down and it wouldn't move and i had to get a tech to check it just to tell me that a stupid electrical wire was d/c and that is all!!

ok , on the overall i had great fun and pleasure and i really wanted to stay longer, i was like reminding my self every 5 mins that i got to go to work now, so i finally took my self to my car and ran away

Humans & destiney

2 years go i read a mail on my college group , it was speakiung about nmormal & upnormal ppl, the mail was making fun of the traditinal ppl who live and die in a traditional way.

Triggered by the amil to think about the issue i looked to the other side of the story ; who is the happy one, or say, who is the lucky between them ??

yesterday we had a big discussion that lasted for several hours , it was like the following points:

• who is the ordinary and the extraordinary man ? Is it related to achievements?

Achievements were never a good measure , lots of ppl have abilities that never find its chance...

I think then a good definition would sound like : a person with upnormal gifts & abilities and the most important with the abilitiy to take hard decisions.

This upnormal person has always greater awareness than other normal ppl , his direct interest cycle is larger and exceeds his personal interests

a man with wider interests has wider and bigger problems, he has more troubles than others and certainly then, more pain!!

at this point i was satisfied that the lucky one is the ordinary one, he lives a normal life matching his abilities , not reguired to make a difference & he is satisfied with what he got, he is like a water drop in the river, it never tries to swin the other way and it is not required to do so , when she gets tired, it will be pulled norally by the flow to the right direction..

we can say then : less awareness, less care, less pain and finally more happiness!!

i thought that being happy is a selfish demand but don't we deserve to go selfish sometimes??

but a friend gave me a different look on the crisis:

why don't those small problems represent as heavy lood for the normal person as the huge problems do for the upnormal person ? I mean related to his limited gifts those small problems could fill his life and represent the same worries as for the upnormal man!! ??

isn't it also related to his abilities and qualifications ??

i really don't have a direct answer for this question, but i noticed something:

as much awareness as higher the rates of suicide and depression goes, compare between countries and cities and between individuals and you will see what i mean !!

now, doesn't this support my original idea??

the final point was about choice:

i guess we really don't have the choice, the normal man can't live upnormally because it is beyond his abilities, also the upnormal man can't go selfish and live a normal life for himself only, his idle abilities won't let him do it, he can't taste the happiness immetating to be someone else, simply, he has to be the one he is !!

back to the original question i really wonder, is it really a gift to be different or is it a duty, who is the really gifted one in this life then ??

once a person told an upnormal person “ son, you are different, you will live unhappy and die alone!!! “

Moving backwards

you have two options to move backwards:

1- either you move backwards

2- or just stay still in your position while all the others move forward

A boat trip

days ago, while setting on the cafe me and my friends we got bored,
so a crazy idea came to our minds and we took the cars, and drove directly to it

someone on the nile of maadi, I stopped the car and we went to the nearest shop,
we got the pepsi and stuff and headed to a small boats port on the nile

there we met “3aaam hassan”, the old “marakby” -sailor- from aswan
we picked an old wind boat.. a one called “el hoot”, it was like part of history
with its old flags ...

we went deep in the nile, with the wind getting stronger..
the man thought we are of the traditional kind so he tried to put some songs on,
we stopped him, we appreciate silence and peace in this wonderful weather,
with the black sky, black waves of water and the spots of lights from both sides

I lied on the top of the boat on my back, watching the sky and breathing..
not thinking of anything, work, army, my past wounds or my current wounds..
i could for a while get out of all this and have my self some real peace..
like the silence and calm around me could somehow get inside me

I believe this effect wouldn't be if it was a big engine boat,
or if there was any kind of music in the background,
i guess silence is the masterpiece of all music

Car accident

Today my car had its first accident, although it was a minor accident and had no effect on my car but i was really upset because I got it few weeks ago and I care a lot for my stuff

But what surprised me how the other driver was so scared of me!! I was mad but I am a peaceful man, I don't look like a red deamon when I am angry I mean, and at that point I figured out why he was scared!!

I was in the military uniform.. ppl have high sensitivity from military persons , and I didn't like that, although I know that ppl are more comfortable with armed forces from their freelings with the police but I didn't like to be scared off because of my suit , this wasn't for my pride at all

Ok, the accident left a small scar on my car that will live for a while now i guess :(

Quote

If you stop long for the impossible, you will loose many chances for the possible!!
[Valid in love & life]

Pessimisim group

Ok, the idea is simple, me and some of my friends started to notice how we have a different look on the world, more specific a pessimistic look

I was discussing with one of my pessimistic friends about creating a group to gather us and speak about our different ideas, all in a pessimsitic frame, what do you think guys?

I believe if we grow in number we can get a good deal with a hit man to take over our mission and finish our bad luck, side benefits from the group :)

FreeSoul