2008 harvest

Yesterday I had a long break at work, I got out & started to hang out through smart village streets, the weather was sunny and great and I was totally alone there.

I remembered then it was the last day in the year, memories started to come and it was like the year harvest is being concluded…

I was like: “Man… this year sucks!!!”

Through 2008 I had my hardest time in the army, too many problems & so much pressure & I started again to smoke, by the mid of the year I started to collapse under the pressure of the army stuff and my night job… I could barely have time to think or sleep or eat… most of my meals were junk food and on a hurry to get back working.

In 2008 I had mixed emotions that I failed to understand & made my biggest mistake ever: I broke the heart of the nearest person to me!

Few months before the end of the year, I got laid off from work, I became jobless for the first time in my life, and things seemed unclear…

By the end of the year I got very sick, I kept taking medicine for 2 months and up to this moment I am still affected by this problem and still can’t live a normal life although pretending to do.

Trying to find another job wasn’t that pleasant, I lost my confidence in many persons when I started to realize they are not that good, they were playing dirty games with me and I was like “the idiot trusting person”, I even though of changing my career completely and was almost about to do it before I found my current job!

Very amazing year… huh? Full of wonderful stuff!!

Looking on the empty half of the cup? Let’s be honest, the cup was almost completely empty this year!!

But to be honest there was something through out this year that tells me I won’t fall down, In every trouble I had I was saved by something like a miracle, in the right time something happens to save me and get me out of some trouble and I was like: “I must be really lucky”

But I understand it wasn’t about luck at all, it is all about god, support from god got me out of horrible troubles in the army and through many other problems, it was like god sending me a message not to despair, to hang in there and keep fighting.

I am happy 2008 ended, took with it lots of memories that I will remember and will hate to do that, will always feel sorry and regret for many mistakes, but I must look forward to the new year now, I still have a whole new year to correct my mistakes in I guess

The price

There is always a price for the truth, the truth seems the most costy thing in life , at least on the short range...

Believe me, to be ready to pay the price of the truth today is much better than living a lie and going on with it, your lie will grow with time, and so the cost until you come to the point were you can't pay the price alone, also those whom you love will have to pay the price, the price of your weakness and being a cowered, will you then be able to forgive your self?

Some truth hurts on the short range but it is a relief on the long range, some lie brings false happiness on the short range but brings disaster on the long range, it is a trade and you decide , almost all your life you have to decide

Trip- El hamraa ecolodge

Time: Friday morning.
Location: El hamraa ecolodge, wadi el notroon, near omar oasis.

Activity: acquiring self peace ...

I had a wonderful day, the place was so peaceful , the silence had nothing interrupting it but the sound of the wind, birds and the music tracks and songs that we select to be played in the place.

the whole place is tuned to one frequency, the frequency of nature, everything is natural in design and implementation, the huts, the roads, buildings and even the food, even the food tasted differently!!

A place you can fall in love with from the first moment... I can't describe it more, it is just amazing.

Many thanks for the lovely person that introduced me to this place and shared this day with me there :)

Experience

Experience , I always thought that you could handle different experiences, struggle & get through, but ....

Wrong, wrong, wrong !!!

the negative experience that you struggle & try as much as possible to get through without being affected, without your soul gets infected is a big illuision.

there is no such a thing like negative experience, nor a positive one, there is experience and over...

what makes it negative or positive is your act regarding it, you can find in what looks like the most negative experience, i say you can find lots of positive sides!

also consider it, as long as you look at the negative sides , fear it , care for it you will always be defending, running from it & this who runs can't see his road well & he will miss each positive side on his fake struggle to make it out, and believe me you can't make it out clean!!

you can't for that there is nothing that pass by us without leaving effect, what you have done is just blocking each chance to be affected by the positive sides & finally fall in the negative side ...

Think positive, act positive for that there is nothing real out there other than what we make of it..

Maged

Miar

Let me Welcome here the newest and youngest member in the crazy "El shafie" family !!

Little "Miar" has joined the club, still so calm and seems not really understanding what is going on around her, will know soon how qualified-crazy- she is to be part of the family :)

Abortion

my friend, who is very liberal & believes so much in individual personal rights believes that abortion should be rightfull

she claims the following: if the little foetus is a complete human and have the full right to live then who gave him the right to be a parasite on another human not accepting his presence inside??

I don't see it like this, if you are in a ship and you accept to transport someone in the sea then in the middle of the sea you changed your mind and don't want him in anymore, do you have the right to drop him in the water by the claim that you own the ship & you don't want him inside ? Obviosly not !!

it is much the same, for all men & women, if you only want sex then for gods sake use protection & if you don't use it then you have implicitly accepted the possibility of having a new creature , a new independent creature that has the right to live & nobody on earth has the right to abort his life !!

In 2007

Lately I was in one of my deepest depressions, I thought with the start of a new year to think about where I am now and where I have been, may be this could change my mood and make me understand how much gifted I am and how much better from many others in similar situations

those were my gift and with lists in 2007, the order is not significant at all, it is just the order of writing them down on papers and have no importance

Wish list:

1- get a job

2- finish my masters

3- get a car

4- get a new laptop

5- love

6- make new friends

7- return to cairo

8- travel with friends to some place nice

9- leave the army

10- get cured from something personal

gift list:

1-got new friends [thanks you guys :) ]

2-got a car

3- got a new great job that i really love with ppl that i really love and respect

4-returned to cairo and spent all the year there

5- travelled with friends twice

6- feel like totally cured from that thing that was in my heart and my soul

7-found mind & soul matches [a rare thing these days]

The cave

I am back to my cave, for the current things and changes running, I think I could use sometime being with me, if only I could find it free to stay with

Gathering

it was a new idea and i love new ideas, telling the truth, i might do something that seems wrong, feels wrong, tastes wrong just because it is new

the last time i couldn't join but this time i had nothing in my mind so i decided it is time to come to this gathering as a change, for those who know me i am not a very social person, you can rarely see me in the light of the day in the normal cases !!

ok, I really liked the group, we didn't start talking in big talks or stuff like that rather we were talking about our selves, which is more human and more attractive in a gathering of this kind, but behind that talk i couldn't but notice that every one in this place had a different thing, in the mind, the soul, they were all if not open to ideas, at least not closed which is something between accepting and rejecting, i can't describe that well i guess

i can't describe the persons well because i hardly know them, just my introducer and the rest were totally brand new to me, i even didn't know any names, later on i met someone i know from blogsphere and someone else was supposed to come but he didn't show up

finally, knowing that i didn't look alright, this was for two reasons that i didn't tell the group not to spoil the day for them, the first was related to me being sick from over two days, high temp and a horrible pain in my head, they were talking about similar ppl that gets addicted to pain killers, i didn't tell them that i am almost one of those :)

the other thing was related to my car which increased my worries, as soon as i parked it under the building, it just stopped responding and i had great doubts that it will take me to work afterwards, this was translated into reality when i came down and it wouldn't move and i had to get a tech to check it just to tell me that a stupid electrical wire was d/c and that is all!!

ok , on the overall i had great fun and pleasure and i really wanted to stay longer, i was like reminding my self every 5 mins that i got to go to work now, so i finally took my self to my car and ran away